ochoop17's Blog

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?” The first man replied, “Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife.” The Lord replied, “Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation. To the second man the Lord asked, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?” The second man replied, “Lord, I cheated on my wife twice.” The Lord replied, “I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW. To the third man the Lord asked, “So, how many times did y ou cheat on your wife?” The third man replied, “Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times.” The Lord replied, “I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation. A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. “Why are you crying?” the two men asked. “You got the mansion and limo!” The first man replied, “I m crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!”

Who declare "A house divided against itself cannot stand".

What is it that was given to you, belongs only to you, and yet your friends use it more than you do?

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying thecasket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.

They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.

A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"

Who was the world's first female space traveler ?

Rearrange the letters of NOR DO WE to make one word.

Rahul's Dad brought home a robot one day.

The robot had the ability to detect lies and would slap the person who lied.
Rahul returned late from school.
Dad asked, “Son why are you late from school?”
“Dad, we had extra classes today”.
Robot slapped Rahul on his face.
Dad shouted, "Come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
“Dad, I went to see the movie Ten Commandments.”
Robot slapped Rahul on his face.
Sorry dad, I went to see the movie "Chameli Ki Jawaani".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age, I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved."
Immediately, Dad gets a slap on the face from the robot..
Rahul's mom comes walking out of the kitchen and says to her husband, "After all, he's your son!"

The robot slaps the mom.

"Murmur" is the debut album of what band ?

Q: What has a neck, but no head?

Q: What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?

A: It may take me a while to get hard—I just got laid last night.”

Did president Hoover ever serve in Congress ?

Joan went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," she said, "I've got big troubles. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. Am I going crazy?"

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink, "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Joan. six months later the doctor met Joan on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred bucks a visit? No way! Instead, I went on one of those 'Dude Ranch' vacations, and an old cowboy cured me for the price of a bottle of whiskey."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!

Ain't nobody under there now!!!"

What turns everything around, but does not move?

When did the United States went off the gold standard ?