ochoop17's Blog

One Day To Live

A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says: "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening."

 

The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well.

 

"Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king."

 

She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles -- the works.

 

After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made.

 

The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. Well, the husband is wide awake watching the clock.

 

He knows that he is doomed. He taps her. "Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and they again proceed to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her.

 

By now she is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore. Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers.

 

She rolls over and yells: "Would you give it a rest? One of us has to get up in the morning!"

Entry #842

The Answer Is..

What do these three objects have in common?
Corn
Weasel
Balloon

Entry #841

Do You Know ?

The arcade game "Donkey Kong" was introduced in what year ?

Entry #840

Quick Thinking

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

 

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:

 

"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl; looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked: 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' And so, here we are!"

Entry #839

Do you Know ?

What did NBC start calling their Thursday night lineup in 1993 ?

Entry #838

The Answer Is..

What word can be written forward, backward or upside down, and can still be read from left to right?

Entry #837

Do You Know ?

Who had a No. 1 R&B hit in 1966 with " Love Is A Hurtin' Thing ?

Entry #835

Visiting A Barber

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

Entry #834

Do You Know ?

Two boxers are in a boxing match (regular boxing, not kick boxing). The fight is scheduled for 12 rounds

but ends after 6 rounds, after one boxer knocks out the other boxer. Yet no man throws a punch. How is this possible?

Entry #833

Gotcha !!

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks: "What's that for?"

 

"It's for your headache," he replies.

 

"I don't have a headache," she insists.

 

He replies: "Gotcha!"

Entry #831

Do You Know ?

Did Michelangelo paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel before or after he sculpted David ?

Entry #829

Extra Protection

Two old ladies are standing at a bus station and one of them is smoking. Suddenly, it starts raining, so the one who is smoking takes out a condom from her purse, cuts the edge off and puts it over the cigarette.

 

"What are you doing?" her friend asks.

 

"I don't want my cigarette to get wet so I covered it with a condom," she replies.

 

"Where did you get it?" her friend asks.

 

"At the pharmacy," she replies.

 

So the next day her friend goes to the pharmacy and asks the clerk if she can get a condom.

 

"What size?" the clerk asks.

 

"I dunno," she replies, "one that will fit a camel."

Entry #828