ochoop17's Blog

Who wrote the poem " The Raven " ?

Misunderstanding

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I’d love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park.

He put her on every ride in the park-the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.

Into McDonald’s they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake.

Then off to a theater to see Star Wars-more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size."

What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying: "You can't take it with you."

 

 

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. When he passed away, he planned to reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

 

 

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife was up in the attic cleaning, when she came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

 

 

"That darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

Who founded the University of Virginia ?

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points to the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your Mom's the best lay in town!" Everyone expects a fight but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders up to the end of the bar.

 

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just s****** your mom and it was really sw-e-et!"

 

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off.

 

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me…."

 

Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Dad - you're drunk again!"

What instrument was invented in 1829 and can fit into your pocket ?

The Apple iBoob

Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thanks to Apple, everyone is now happy.

A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of £50 notes out of his wallet.
He turns to the rich man and says to him,
"I have an amazing talent: I know almost every song that has ever existed."
The rich man laughs.
The poor man says, "I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it."
The rich man laughs again and says, "OK, how about my daughter's name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller?"
The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich.

What song did he sing?

 A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time
and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen
lesson & music books.

Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look
at you... let me hold you ! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your lovin' so much !"

The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica."

For 12 yrs, Barack Obama was a law school professor at which university ?

Obama's second daughter is known as Sasha, but what was her birth name ?

It is a 4 digit number divisible by 4 leaving no remainder. If you divide it by 4 the quotient will be the reversed order of the original number. What is that number?

Husband: We have been married five years and haven't agreed on a thing.
Wife: You are wrong again. It has been six years.

Where is Aaron Burr buried ?