ochoop17's Blog

A man and a dog were going down the street. The man rode, yet walked. What was the dog's name?

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance

Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair

Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits

Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

What do you call a blind reindeer?

A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."

I am a box that holds keys without locks, yet they can unlock your soul. What am I?

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.

“You know, it’s not your fault that the dog died. He’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”

Susie, still crying, said, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

Which four animals have been mixed up below:

BUT RARE ODES CAME BIT

A man goes into a store and starts looking around. He sees a washer and dryer, but there is no price listed on them. He asks a salesman who says, "Five dollars for both of them."

"Yeah right, you've got to be joking with me!" the man says.

"No, that's the price," the salesman says, "Do you want to buy them or not?"

"Yeah, I'll take them," the man says. The man continues to look around and he sees a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asks.

"Five dollars for the system, including installation," the sales guy says.

"Is it stolen?" the guy asks incredulously.

"No," says the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"

"Sure," the guy says. He looks around some more. Next he finds a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. "How much?" he asks.

"Five dollars," the salesman says.

"I'll take that too!" the man says.

As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asks him, "Why are your prices so cheap?"

The salesman says, "Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife, and what he's doing to her... I'm doing to his business!"

Mom and Dad have four daughters, and each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the family?

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

Two people who have never seen each other meet at the New York Embassy.  They decide to have drinks together in a nearby bar.  One of them is the father of the other one's son.  How is this possible?

One day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse.

“My wife,” the man replied.

“I’m sorry,” said Dave. “What happened to her?”

“My dog bit her and she died.” Dave then asked who was in the second hearse.

The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.”

“Can I borrow your dog?”

“Get in line,” replied the man.

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded yes.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again, the boy nodded yes.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain that to your mother.”