ochoop17's Blog

Three men were out hiking when they  upon a large raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: "God, please give me
the strength to cross the river."

Poof! ... God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim
across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please give me strength
and the tools to cross the river"

Poof! ... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was
able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God,
please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river"

Poof! ... He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one
hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH
AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!

"If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!"

Oct. 4, 19--: The comic strip"___________" created by Chester _______, makes its debut.

Sometimes you'll find me hard and cold,
    Other times I'm hard to hold,
    Always present in the air,
    If I'm ever gone, beware.
    What am I?

Why did the turtle cross the road? 
To get to the Shell Station!

Oct. 1,19--: _______ introduced his Model _ automobile.

I know a word of letters three.  Add two and fewer there will be.  What is the word?

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Sept. 28, 1781: American forces in the Revolutionary War, backed by a _____ fleet,began their successful seige of ______, Va.

Take me for a spin and I'll make you cool,
but use me when it's cool and you're a fool.

What am I?

Sign in a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Sept.--,1775: American Revolutionary War hero ___________ is capture by the British as he led an attack on _______.

People speak through me, yet I do not make a sound.
    People can sell me, yet I have many clones.
    I can bring you laughter between breakfast and tea,
    Yet I can also break your heart easily.
    I cover the earth like trees of old,
    Whose leaves can blind and yet enfold

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. 

“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!”, he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. 

At that moment, the Atheist cried out “Oh my God!….” Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. 

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, “You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don””t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?” 

The atheist looked directly into the light “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?” “Very well,” said the voice. 

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. 

And then the bear dropped his right paw ….. brought both paws together…bowed his head and spoke: “Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful.”

Sept.22,1985: Rock and country music artists participate in "_______," a concert in _________, Illinois, to help U. S. farmers.

Why does it get hot after a baseball game?