ochoop17's Blog

A couple is shopping in the mall for hours. The wife turns to talk to her husband and realizes he’s nowhere in sight. Angry, she calls his cell phone and asks where he disappeared to. “Honey,” he says, “remember that jewelry store we walked by a few years ago, and you loved the gold locket in the window but we couldn’t afford it, so I told you I would buy it for you one day?” Choked up, the wife replies, “Yes, how could I ­forget?” Her husband goes on, “Well, I’m at the bar next door to it if you need me.”

Sept.4, 1781: ________ is founded by spanish settlers under the leadership of Governor Felipe ______.

Power enough to smash ships and crush roofs. Yet it still must fear the sun. What is it?

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?

The perfect woman.

She's the only one that really existed in the first place.

Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

* A Male's Response *

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident

Sept.1,1951:The United States,________ and __________ sign a mutual defense pact, the _______ treaty.

How many letters are there in the alphabet?

Bullfight Buffet

Aug. --, 15--: The last Incan king of Peru,__________ is executed on order of Spanish conqueror Francisco ______.

 What has 4 eyes but can’t see?

Political Philosophies Explained in Simple Two-Cow Terms

SOCIALISM You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

CORPORATE You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when it drops dead.

DEMOCRACY You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to pay the taxes to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

Aug. --,19--: The original Hockey Hall of Fame opens in _______.

Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday or Sunday?

Two cowboys came upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "He's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "About two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, furniture in wagon ..."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color, what's in the wagon -- just amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ugh ... not amazing ... wagon ran ... over me ... 30 minutes ago!"

Aug. 23, 17--:Britain's King George III proclaims the American colonies to be in a state of "open and avowed ______."

What kind of tree can you carry in your hand?