ochoop17's Blog

June 6,1933: The first ______movie theater is opened by Richard _______ in Camden County.

What falls, but does not break, and what breaks but does not fall?

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"  "Eight," the boy replies. The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?  "Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're my brother – he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."

June 3, 1965: Astronaut ___________ becomes the first American to walk  in space during the flight of _______.

What comes down but never goes up?

A man saw a dog tied to sign entitled "talking dog for sale: ten dollars". He stops to enquire, and on a whim, asks the dog, "So can you really talk?"

"Yes", the dog replies, "I was experimented on in 1940 by an elite group of Nazi scientists. I got away and hopped on a ferry to America, but not before biting Hitler. I now work part-time for the FBI"

The man, amazed, runs to the front door and gives the owner of the dog his $10. Before walking away, the man, overcome by curiosity, finally asks "how come you're selling him so cheap?"

"Because", his owner replies, "he's a <snip>ing liar."

May 30, 19--: The Treaty of _______ is signed, formally ending the First Balkan War.

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

I am always hungry,
    I must always be fed,
    The finger I touch,
    Will soon turn red.

A warthog hits this lady and the husband calls 911.

The operator asks, "Where are you at"?

The husband replies, "I'm on Eucolipstic Road."

The operator asks, "Can you spell that for me?"

"Well... I'll just drag her over to Oak so you can you pick her up there?"

May 26, 19--: The House ____________Committee is established by Congress.

I'm a rock group with 4 members, all of whom are dead, 1 of which was assassinated. What am I?

Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.

A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his stupid, hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.

"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing sex to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells '<snip> income taxes!' whenever we have sex."

May 22, 19--: The island nation of Ceylon becomes the republic of _______.

The movie, Big, was directed by whom ?