ochoop17's Blog

The Male Side

At last a guy has taken the time to write down this all. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Men ARE not mind reader 2. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 3. Crying is blackmail. 4. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 5. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question. 6. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 7. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. 9. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.. 10. If something we said can be interpret in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 11. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 12. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 14. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 15. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 16. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear 17. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, cars, bikes or games 18. You have enough clothes. 19. You have too many shoes. 20. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.
Entry #2,132

Golf Ball

How can you throw a golf ball with all your might and, without hitting a wall or
any other obstruction, have the ball stop and come right back to you?

Entry #2,130

Toilet Paper

A little old lady went to a grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up three
cans and took them to the checkout counter. The girl at the cash register said
“I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A
lot of old people buy cat food to eat and the management wants proof that you
are buying the cat food for your cat.” The little old lady went home, picked up
the cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next
day she tries to buy three cans of dog food. Again the cashier demands proof
that she has a dog, because sometime old people eat dog food. She went home and
brought in the dog. She then got the dog food. The next day she brought in a
small box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick
her finger in the hole. The cashier said, “No, you might have a snake in there.”
The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would
harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and told
the little old lady, “That smells like poop.” The little old lady said, “It is!
Now can I buy three rolls of toilet paper?”

Entry #2,129

Fill In The Blanks

Feb. 28, 1953: Scientists James D. _____ and Francis H. C. ______ announced they had discovered the double-helix structure of ____.

Entry #2,128

What Word ?

What word in the English language uses all five vowels plus Y in alphabetical order and uses each one only once?

Entry #2,127

Tesco Burger

Horse meat in Tesco burgers? What are the odds on that?

 

 

Husband: ‘I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.’ Wife: ‘Why don’t you go to Tesco?’

Entry #2,126

Husband & Wife

Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. What do you do to control your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet. Husband: What does that help? Wife: I use your toothbrush.

Entry #2,123

Fill In The Blanks

Feb. 22 1630: _______ settlers in America discover how to make _______.

Entry #2,122

What Am I ?

I touch the Earth, I touch the sky, But if I touch you, you'll surely die.

Entry #2,121

An Emergency

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Entry #2,120

Fill In The Blanks

Feb. 19, 14--: Astronomer _________ Copernicus was born in _____, Poland.

Entry #2,119

What Is IT ?

The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it?

Entry #2,118