ochoop17's Blog

Top 10 Signs You're Over The Hill

1. When you sleep, people worry you're dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. Your best friend is dating someone half their age... and aren't breaking any laws.
4. You wear black socks with sandals.
5. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
6. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
7. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
8. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
9. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
10. You forgot that you already had your 50th birthday.

Jan.31,19--: The first U.S. satellite, ________ is launched at Cape _______ in Florida.

When the day after tomorrow is yesterday, today will be as far from Wednesday as today was from Wednesday when the day before yesterday was tomorrow. What is the day after this day?

An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had."

The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then she said, "I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity." The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his hand on hers. The elderly woman then stated, "I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine."

This time, the old man had a blank stare on his face and started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room, his wife asked, "Was it something I said, where are you going?" The old man looked at her and replied, "I'm going in the other room to get my teeth!"

Jan.28, 19--: The United States Coast Guard is created by __________.

(In your head!) Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another  1000. Now add 30.  Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000.  Now add 10. What is the  total?

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Jan.24, 18--: ___________ finds gold nugget in the U. S. territory of California, touching off the Gold Rush of ' 49.

Alex bought a bag of apples on Saturday, and he ate a third of them. On Sunday he ate half of the remaining apples. He ate one more on Monday and one more on Tuesday, and then ate half of the remaining apples on Wednesday. On Thursday he looked in the bag and saw that there was just one apple left. How many apples did the bag have to begin with?

A tourists guide was talking with a group of school kids at Yellowstone park
when one of the kids asked him if he had ever came face-to-face with a wolf.

"Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was
alone and without a weapon."
"What did you do?" the little girl asked.

"What could I do? First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he
slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had
to think fast."
"How did you get away?"
"As a last resort, I just turned
around and walked quickly to the next cage."

Jan. 21, 1954: The first atomic submarine, the _________, is launched at _____, Conn.

Be sure to shout
For its answers are weak
There is no language
It cannot speak

A man finally goes with his wife to
church. The man was so impressedwith the preacher's sermon he stopped on the way
out to shake
his hand."Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a ED fine
sermon." The preachersays "Why thank
you sir, but we don't used profanity in the house
of the Lord".The man says, "But preacher, that was the best ED sermon I ever
heard." The preacher says again, "sir I must be blunt, DO NOT use curse words in the Lords house again". The man says "Well I was
so impressed with your sermon that Iplaced $1000 dollars in
the collection plate". The
preacher says "NO S**T "?

Jan. 18, 1778: English navigator Captain _____________ discovers the Hawaiian Islands, which he dubs the"___________________".

To cross the water I'm the way,

                               For water I'm above;

                               I touch it not, and truth to say,

I neither swim nor move. What am I