ochoop17's Blog

May 5,1821: France's _________dies in exile on the island of ______.

Pronounced as one letter,
And written with three,
Two letters there
are,
And two only in me.
I'm double, I'm single,
I'm black, blue, and
gray,
I'm read from both ends,
And the same either way.
What am I?

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor            to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

            When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but        might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

            The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."

            She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

            With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You            forgot my toast!"

May 1, 1884: Construction of the first skyscraper in the United States, the 10-story ____________ in ________, begins.

How do you spell "hard water" with only 3 letters?

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

April 29, 1913: Gideon ______ of _______ patent the _______.

This one is about a creature and its home. Can you guess what it is?

My home is not quiet but I am not loud.     The lord has meant us to journey together.     I am faster than he and sometimes stronger,     But he keeps on going for longer.     Sometimes I rest but he runs on.     For as long as I am alive I live in him.     If we part from one another     It is I who will die.

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.

He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".

Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

Once again, he prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you.
PLEASEjust let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself:

"Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."

April 26, 1607: Captain ________ lands at _________, Va., with the first group of colonists to establish a permanent English settlement.

I am the 7th planet from the sun and the planet before Neptune. Who
am I ?

A little old lady comes into the kitchen to talk to her husband and says,
“Honey just look at me.
My legs are heavy, thighs are getting big, and boobs are sagging.
I could really use a complement right about now.”
The husband replied, “You have really good eye sight!”

April 23, 16--; A boundary dispute between _________ and Virginia erupt into a naval skirmish off the Virginia coast.

I tower over the man-made plain; My peaks scrape the heavens. I have many brothers; in fact, We may be as many as a hundred and seven.

We're as ancient as the oldest trees, But not older than the hills. We've been studied for centuries now, But with mystery we're still filled.

What mountain range can be found in Peru ?