ochoop17's Blog

July 7, 18--: United States annexes island of _________.

I go around in circles,  But always straight ahead  Never complain,  No matter where I am led.

NSA leaker Edward Snowden somehow managed to get out of the U.S. with all their  information. Now where is he? He’s in Russia now, going to be in Ecuador or  wherever. He remains at large. Now what are the odds out of 350 million  Americans, the only one the government wasn’t watching was him?

July 4, 19--:The 48-star American flag, recognizing _________ statehood, is adopted.

Oft I must strive with wind and wave, Battle them both when under the sea
I feel out the bottom, a foreign land. In lying still I am strong in the strife;
If I fail in that they are stronger than I, And wrenching me loose, soon put me to rout.
They wish to capture what I must keep. I can master them both if my grip holds out,
If the rocks bring succor and lend support, Strength in the struggle. Ask me my name!

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.  There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating. 

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it." 

The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"

June 30, 19--: The First Chevrolet _________ is built at a General Motors assembly Facility in _____, Mich.

When one does not know what it is, then it is something; but when one knows what it is, then it is nothing.

If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours.
Followed by a global food shortage.

June --, 1846: New York and ______ are linked by telegraph wires.

What holds water yet is full of holes?

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.

When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"

"Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream."

"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it."

"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."

He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.

She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"

June 24, 1509: ________ is crowned king of England; _________ of Aragon, is crowned queen consort.

What goes up when rain comes down?

One Sunday morning, the priest noticed that little Anthony was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The ten year old boy had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Anthony."
"Good morning father," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.
"Father Murphy, what is this?" Anthony asked.
"Well, son, its a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Anthony's voice was barely audible when he asked,
"Which service, the 9:00 or the 10:30?"