ochoop17's Blog

An 80 year old couple were having            problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor            to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

            When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about            the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the            couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but            might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them            remember things.

            The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while            watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked,            "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the            kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice            cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him,            "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember            it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."

            She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on            top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget            that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of            ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also            would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you            better write it down."

            With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write            that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the            kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and            handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a            moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You            forgot my toast!"

Sept. --, 1957: The United States coducts its first contained underground nuclear test, codenamed ______in the _____desert.

In Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man with a sign. Why not?

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.

One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"

Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

Sept.16, 18--: The song "Jingle Bells" by James ______ is copyrighted under its original title,"_____________".

What is at the end of a rainbow?

A Pastor in a Neighborhood Pub

Sept. --,1970: The first __________ Marathon is held.

What three numbers have the same answer when added together and multiplied together?

An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had."

The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then she said, "I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity." The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his hand on hers. The elderly woman then stated, "I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine."

This time, the old man had a blank stare on his face and started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room, his wife asked, "Was it something I said, where are you going?" The old man looked at her and replied, "I'm going in the other room to get my teeth!"

Sept. 10,1608: ________ is elected president of the _________ colony council in _______.

What is the best month for a parade?

A down and out, grungy man walks into a swanky restaurant desperately needing a meal. He asks the waiter if he can have a free meal and the waiter says, 'Absolutley not! This is an upscale establishment and I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'
The man says, 'If I can show you something amazing that you've never seen before will you give me a meal?'
The waiter replies, 'OK, only if it is truly amazing and not crude.'
The man pulls a hamster out of his pocket. It jumps off the table, runs across the room to the piano and begins playing songs. And, it is really good!
The waiter is amazed and brings a hot meal to the man while the hamster plays.
When the man finishes, he is still hungry and asks the waiter for a free dessert and coffee.
The waiter says, 'No, sorry, unless you have money or another miracle, that's all you get.'
The man says, 'OK!' and pulls a frog out of his pocket and sets it on the table. The frog begins singing the song that the hamster is playing on the piano!
A man at another table rushes over and offers $200 for the singing frog. The man makes the trade and the fellow runs out of the restaurant with the frog to get him on the Tonight Show.
The waiter says, 'Are you crazy? That singing frog is worth millions, not just $200.'
The man replies, 'Not so. The hamster is also a ventriloquist. Now, bring that chocolate torte and coffee, please.'

Sept. 7, 1533: England's Queen _________ is born in ___________.

What two words have the most letters in it?