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Your Thoughts On This?

Topic closed. 49 replies. Last post 8 years ago by ThatScaryChick.

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New Member
Syracuse, N.Y.
United States
Member #70554
February 5, 2009
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Posted: February 5, 2009, 3:38 pm - IP Logged

Thank you for the welcome CT.  Smile

Actually I'm truly NOT coming from that place, as a matter of fact, I think I'm going to tell her to forget it, and just do what I've been doing and paying slowly, to get myself in a better place.  It may take allot longer, but at least I feel better about it. 

I will say, I would NEVER ask for more!  I all ready told her when I asked (after her reaction) that forget the amount for a used car, and all I'd like to borrow is to pay my line of credit up, so I can have a little bit to fall back on.

She's not given to many, and there's nobody bugging her at all, no family ... or friends.

Just sayin ...

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    New Member
    Syracuse, N.Y.
    United States
    Member #70554
    February 5, 2009
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    Posted: February 5, 2009, 3:44 pm - IP Logged

    Man, I really don't mean to sound like I'm whining over this so much, I'm actually very hurt more than anything, and it's because I feel like a child, controlled and manipulated by her ... it's really not even about the money anymore, when I read my posts, and think about it, even if it weren't 'money' we were discussing, when she put that 'condition' on me, it made me realize why I've never felt as close to her as my other sisters.

    I truly think I'll call off the request.

      ThatScaryChick's avatar - x1MqPuM
      Idaho
      United States
      Member #56506
      November 21, 2007
      6537 Posts
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      Posted: February 5, 2009, 3:45 pm - IP Logged

      If your sister is making you jump through hoopes to prove something, I think you are better off not even dealing with her. Like I said, if one of my sisters was suffering and needed help, I would help them out and I know that they would help me. It sounds like your sister has been a bit of a pain long before her win. I do hope things work out for you. And who knows, maybe one day you will have your own big win. Smiley

      "No one remembers the person who almost climbed the mountain, only the person who eventually gets to the top."

        jackpotismine's avatar - kanji for_peace.jpg
        Kunming
        China
        Member #57910
        January 23, 2008
        3626 Posts
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        Posted: February 5, 2009, 3:57 pm - IP Logged

        Hello Diana Elaine and welcome to Lottery Post.

        I guess I am going to go against the grain here and give my opinion and I hope it's not taken the wrong way. I too have 3 sister, but I also have my mom and neices and nephews that I plan on helping if I ever come into a big jackpot. (big is relative it depends on the size how much they will get.) The thing is besides my mom, the rest of the bunch will only get a set of amount. That is it.

        Please don't get me wrong. I love them dearily. I don't know how close you are to your family, but I am very close to certain members of my family. If push came to shove and they needed help, (car breaking down, sick, etc.) I would help them out because that is how my family is, but I am not going to become a piggy bank. I am not saying that is your situation, but could you sister feel like that she is becoming other peoples "bank".

        There are many stories posted here on Lottey Post of winners not putting their foot down and saying no to family and friends and losing all of their money that they won and a lot of these people had won a lot more money then 1.5 million dollars. And on that end, to be honest, 1.5 million isn't a high-end jackpot. Maybe she wants to put most of it away for retirement or something. Again, I don't know your sister or you or your relationship, but maybe she is giving you each a set amount for certain reasons. Also, how close are the two of you? Maybe she doesn't feel like she really knows you that well. Siblings are all different and not everyone feels like they have to be nice to each other. I mean I know siblings who literally hate each other and if they ever won a jackpot, their would be no sharing. That is just how some familys are.

        It does sound a bit strange that she wants to get to know you before giving you a loan for a car, but it is her money and she can choose how she gives it out. If you feel uncomfortable about how she does that, then you probably should say no and lose out on the loan. I hope your situation gets better.

        I Agree! There are two sides to every story. Some family are dsyfuntional and don't even know it. 1.5 million is not alot after taxes though I would love to have won that. If you don't expect anything then you won't be disappointed or hurt. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers and believe me I would help one of my sister more then the other because we have shared ups and downs together. So just because she is your "sister" don't expect anything. The best thing YOU can do is trying winning a Jackpot of your own and this is the forum to do it in. GOOD LUCK! 

        Play to win!

          BobP's avatar - bobp avatar.png
          Dump Water Florida
          United States
          Member #380
          June 5, 2002
          3106 Posts
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          Posted: February 5, 2009, 5:27 pm - IP Logged

          Clearly your sister doesn't see the relationship as you do.

          My sister thinks I'm the hired hand to call anytime something breaks and doesn't even offer a soda while I'm there. 

          When I win big, if I were to give her a large sum I'd never hear from her until it was gone.   

          While I'm sure she would demand a full unpaid for share, our plan would be to dole it out a little at a time. 

          If she were to win, we expect to get nothing or some kind of bizarre gesture of new found family, one never knows except to expect something weird or super weird. 

          BobP

            RJOh's avatar - chipmunk
            mid-Ohio
            United States
            Member #9
            March 24, 2001
            19831 Posts
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            Posted: February 5, 2009, 5:56 pm - IP Logged

            See, that's exactly how she's making me feel ... and how she has made me feel and also the other sisters, my mom and my dad, when they were alive.

            If she ever helped, it was with conditions ... when my mom had cancer, and was in her last days, sister and her husband went on a cruise, leaving me to take care of mom alone, and I was divorced with 2 small sons.  I had to leave them alone with the 13 year old in charge, many times ... to care for mom.  Sister then came home to sit there and show me pictures, tell me how much FUN she had ... and seemed to look right through me.  I say that because, I was EXHAUSTED from being there for my mom, my sons, and seeing mom suffer from pain, and almost bleeding to death from her 'tumor'.  I was a horrid time, and I was all alone.  She didn't even seem to CARE!

            And by the way, I came here originally, because I just started playing the the lottery, and Take 5, so yes, I intend to try to learn how to pick the numbers and hopefully win.  I don't even care if it's much, just enough to pay my credit union up, then I'll be happy.  It doesn't take much for me.  Big Smile

            If your luck is like 80% of the other players then you will spend more than you ever win.  Winning anything when you play the lottery is rare and if you are dreaming of a win to pay your bills, you're likely to be disappointed.

             * you don't need to buy more tickets, just buy a winning ticket * 
               
                         Evil Looking       

              justxploring's avatar - villiarna
              Wandering Aimlessly
              United States
              Member #25360
              November 5, 2005
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              Posted: February 5, 2009, 6:45 pm - IP Logged

              I first wrote a few things about my family, but I deleted what I wrote, because it was too personal.  All I can say is I completely understand, since my sister is married with 2 children and would not give me a dime, even if she won $10 million.  Yet she would expect me to give money to her if I won because I'm single.

                MysteryMan424's avatar - batman22
                Pelham NY
                United States
                Member #60411
                April 16, 2008
                169 Posts
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                Posted: February 5, 2009, 8:32 pm - IP Logged

                Your sister clearly feels the need to control you. You played right into her hand by asking her for some. I wouldn't want to feel obligated to anyone for all the money in the world. The other sister received an automobile, which might seem like a lot, but ask yourself would you really want to be in that position, to be offered something conditionially? I think if you get it on your own you'll feel much better about it. Good luck and welcome to the family.

                  bashley572's avatar - starwars14
                  West Side of Sunny Florida
                  United States
                  Member #55048
                  September 8, 2007
                  3371 Posts
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                  Posted: February 5, 2009, 10:39 pm - IP Logged

                  Hey Diana- got one question for you, hows the nice WARM weather there?  Cool

                  Money won is twice as good as money earned!

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                    antioch tn
                    United States
                    Member #65338
                    September 24, 2008
                    359 Posts
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                    Posted: February 6, 2009, 12:43 pm - IP Logged

                    I'm wondering how close your relationship is with the "winner" sister.  You mention health problems that she's aware of.  And like it or not, $1,000 is better than nothing.  Also, she does have to pay taxes on the money.  Depending on how much her house cost, bills and church, she may only have enough left to invest or save for her retirement.  If you're serious about a loan from her and desperate, ask her if she would make you a loan, but through her bank.  Have a loan officer draw up the arrangements.  She's actually loaning you her money, but the you'd be sidestepping bank fees, loan application, etc.  offer to give her a little interest on the money and repay on time.  I think she's just wanting some responsibility on your part because it seems you're not very close.  But also remember, God blessed her with the money and if you are truly in need and she won't budge, God can take the money away.

                      charmed7's avatar - Lottery-013.jpg
                      MICHIGAN
                      United States
                      Member #65282
                      September 22, 2008
                      1992 Posts
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                      Posted: February 6, 2009, 2:49 pm - IP Logged

                      Hi D.   Welcome to LP,  As u can see alot of wise words spoken here. All I

                      can say from my own experience is EXPECTATIONS!   We think that some of

                      our family members love us dearly, UNTIL something like a JACKPOT happens

                      and WOW, u suddenly find out that what u thought was is not at all true at

                      all.  She knows your situation, and still she did not feel obligated to at least

                      help u out of the hole.  Thats the expectations that we feel, maybe if the

                      shoe were on the other foot u would help her out, but its not how she feels

                      So, take it with a grain salt. Take the $1000 bucks and get your ride fix and

                      don't worry about the loan, I wouldn't want the money if it came with so

                      many strings. Things will work out for u, now a least u know where u stand. Kicking Dirt 

                        dk1421's avatar - Lottery-024.jpg
                        North Carolina
                        United States
                        Member #64582
                        September 1, 2008
                        347 Posts
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                        Posted: February 6, 2009, 4:02 pm - IP Logged

                        Hi Diane!

                        I'm really sorry to hear about your sister. It makes my think of my husband's family - they try to control people through money and gifts.

                        As a result, we just do what we feel is right. We don't bow down to certain members who do have a lot of money just to get some perks. They like to hold it against you if they do give you money or special gifts. I have a sister-in-law who decorates her house like the grandmother does because the grandmother has money.

                        I'd say tell your sister you're sorry for asking and that you are getting a loan because you don't want to ruin your relationship with her. Then just be the way you normally are.

                        Slightly off-topic, as much as you love her, she sounds a bit "toxic" to me. I'd be wary of spending any extra time with her than necessary, although it does sound like you know how to "handle" her.

                        Good luck!

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                          NY
                          United States
                          Member #23835
                          October 16, 2005
                          3475 Posts
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                          Posted: February 7, 2009, 2:21 pm - IP Logged

                          Man, I really don't mean to sound like I'm whining over this so much, I'm actually very hurt more than anything, and it's because I feel like a child, controlled and manipulated by her ... it's really not even about the money anymore, when I read my posts, and think about it, even if it weren't 'money' we were discussing, when she put that 'condition' on me, it made me realize why I've never felt as close to her as my other sisters.

                          I truly think I'll call off the request.

                          Without knowing a lot more I can't really guess whether your sister is being controlling or not. Perhaps she just wants to make herself more comfortable with how she feels before giving more money to family. Yes, I mean "give". Regardless of your situation, she'd be a fool to treat it as anything other than a gift, even if you plan to pay it back. That one of your plans for the intended loan is to pay back a "very small" loan sends a huge warning signal, IMHO. At the very least, it sems that you expect her to loan you money at  less than a fair interest rate, and that is a gift.

                          "First, that really hurts me ... second, I'm insulted, because why isthere a 'condition' to helping out a sister who REALLY needs it, afteryou've just bought the other sister a brand new car???"

                          There are always conditions. By expecting her to make a loan without conditions you're imposing that condition on her.

                          Without knowing her financial condition I have no idea how easily she can aford to give  people more money. Even if she still has  $1.25 million, that's really not a lot of money. In a safe investment it might earn $40,000 per year. That's a lot of help, but it's not enough to guarantee that she' set for life if she doesn't have other plans in place. I'd say that the 100k and 2 cars were too extravagant for the amount of money she won. Even though plenty of winers have gone broke by making bad decisions, the number one bad decision is thinking  you've got more money than you really do. I routinely see credit card bills that total $2500 to $3000 without a single charge that's over $100. Similarly, it's easy to give away a large amount of money because you don't notice how all of the little things add up.

                          A relationship requires much more than a minor biological coincidence, and simply being sisters means nothing. You're right that winners (may) help their closest friends and family first.  She and her daughter should be more important than you, and that one sisters seems to be more important should hardly be surprising. Perhaps you aren't the only one who thinks the two of you aren't as close as you are with your other sisters. That's life.

                            RJOh's avatar - chipmunk
                            mid-Ohio
                            United States
                            Member #9
                            March 24, 2001
                            19831 Posts
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                            Posted: February 7, 2009, 4:02 pm - IP Logged

                            Man, I really don't mean to sound like I'm whining over this so much, I'm actually very hurt more than anything, and it's because I feel like a child, controlled and manipulated by her ... it's really not even about the money anymore, when I read my posts, and think about it, even if it weren't 'money' we were discussing, when she put that 'condition' on me, it made me realize why I've never felt as close to her as my other sisters.

                            I truly think I'll call off the request.

                            Facts are you are whining but you're not the first family member, friend, neighbor or co-worker who got upset at a lottery winner who won big and didn't share.  You're one of those persons who see lottery winnings as "free and unearned" money and its winners as only stewards of it until they can distribute it to more deserving causes and persons such as yourself.   

                             * you don't need to buy more tickets, just buy a winning ticket * 
                               
                                         Evil Looking       

                              GamerMom's avatar - tails

                              United States
                              Member #60535
                              April 21, 2008
                              460 Posts
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                              Posted: February 9, 2009, 9:39 pm - IP Logged

                              you never mentioned or maybe i missed it:  DId the "car" sister in fact have a car to begin with or what was her financial situation.

                              You do realize she has to pay 45% gift taxes on the $$$ and gifts she gives away if it's over 13k per person, right?  That's the reason I wouldn't give much away. 

                              Personally it would disgust me to think my brother was just sitting around waiting for me to give him money because I won it.  He doesn't even have a job so of course he would be like...well I can't find a job so I need you to help me out.  No you don't have a job b/c you are too lazy to work and quit all of your jobs!!! Angry 

                               

                              Seriously though i'm sorry to say she's asking you to take the hint she's saying no.  Bow out gracefully and you may wind up in her will ;)