CashWinner$'s Blog

There's a moment for everyone when you fall into your own shadow and the fact is that it's your shadow and you're forced to live in it. And this is nothing to celebrate or not celebrate. It simply is.

~ Robert Rauschenberg ~

NORWEGIAN FIRE DEPARTMENT

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

>From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.

Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Vell," said Ole, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat truck!"

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

~ Theodore Seuss Giesel ~

 

Theodor Seuss Geisel, the beloved Dr. Seuss, is renowned to generations of children as the author of Green Eggs and Ham and other deliciously absurd picture books. He was born in 1904 in Springfield, Massachusetts. His first book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, was rejected 27 times. He wrote The Cat in the Hat after Houghton Mifflin asked him to write a children's primer using fewer than 250 easy-reader words. He died in 1991.

Very Informative   (from my inbox)
If you don't have a gun, here's a more humane way to
wreck someone's evil plans for you. Did you know this?
I didn't. I never really thought of it before.

Wasp Spray

A friend who is a
receptionist in a church in a high risk area was concerned
about someone coming into the office on Monday to rob
them when they were counting the collection.
She asked the local police department about using pepper spray and
they recommended to her that she get a can of wasp
spray instead.The wasp spray,
they told her, can shoot up to twenty feet away and is
a lot more accurate, while with the pepper spray, they
have to get too close to you and could overpower you.
The wasp spray temporarily blinds an attacker until
they get to the hospital for an antidote. She keeps a
can on her desk in the office and it doesn't
attract attention from people like a can of pepper
spray would. She also keeps one nearby at home for home
protection. Thought this was interesting and might be of use.

On the heels of a break-in and beating that left an elderly woman
in Toledo dead, self defense experts have a tip that could
save your life. Val Glinka teaches
self-defense to students at Southview High
School . For decades, he's suggested putting a can
of wasp and hornet spray near your door or
bed. Glinka says, "This is better than anything I can teach them."
Glinka considers it inexpensive, easy to find, and more effective than
mace or pepper spray. The cans typically shoot 20 to
30 feet; so if someone tries to break into your home,
Glinka says "spray the culprit in the eyes".
It's a tip he's given to students for decades..
It's also one he wants everyone to hear. If you're looking for
protection, Glinka says look to the spray.

"That's going to give you a chance to call the police; maybe
get out." Maybe even save a life.
Please share this with all the people in your life, especially those who
are vulnerable or alone.

Baptist Cowboy

A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Coors. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their Parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. Then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left. 'Ernie, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Cindy. She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.'

'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?'

'Stay the hell away from Aunt Cindy when she's been drinking.'

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel

ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the

workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.

If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their

dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer

and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Babe Ruth ~

Man driving down road. 

Woman driving up same road. 

They pass each other. 

Woman yells out window, PIG! 

Man yells out window, B*TCH!

Man rounds next curve. 

Man crashes into HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies. 

Thought For The Day:

If men would just listen….

How To Stop A Church Gossip! (short and cute)

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra- curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there

WOULD KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING !

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house....walked home… and left it there all night.      LoL ~   (You gotta love Frank!)  ~ LoL

For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.    

  ~ Vincent Van Gogh ~

17 STUNNING HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR : 2029

1. Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
    largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .
2. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's
    third language.
3. Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
4. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage
5. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
    legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
6. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
7. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
    mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
8. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
9. Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year
      in Mexifornia and Floruba.
10. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed
      they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
11. Senate still blocking drilling in ANWAR even though gas is selling for
    4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
12. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
13. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
14. Average height of mutant NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
15. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
      swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
16. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent for those dumb enough to work.
17. Floruba voters still having trouble with their voting machines.

I am perplexed that so many of my friends are against a mosque being built
near Ground Zero. I think it should be the goal of every American to be
tolerant. The mosque should be allowed in an effort to promote tolerance.                                                                                                                                                                                 

That is why I also propose that two gay nightclubs be opened next door to
the mosque thereby promoting tolerance within the mosque. We could call the
Clubs "The Turban Cowboy" and "You Mecca Me So Hot."
Next door to that should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork and have an open
BBQ with spare ribs as its daily special.
Across the street a very daring lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps
Nothing Secret" with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.
Next door to the lingerie shop, there would be room for an Adult Toy Shop,
called "All Ah Need," in flashing neon lights.
So, if you agree in promoting tolerance & you think this is a good plan, pass it on.