emilyg's Blog

The Quote of the Decade:

"The fact that we are here today to debate raising America's debt limit is a sign of leadership failure.  It is a sign that the US Government cannot pay its own bills.  It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government's reckless fiscal policies.  Increasing America's debt weakens us domestically and internationally.  Leadership means that, 'the buck stops here.'  Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren.  America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership.  Americans deserve better."

~ Senator Barack H. Obama, March 2006

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A baby was just born.  He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing like crazy.  I mean laughing real hard.

All the doctors and nurses were examining the little new born in front of the worried parents, but he kept laughing.  He laughed, hands in tight fists, until tears were rolling down his cheeks.

During the initial exam, the pediatrician slowly unfolded the tiny fingers to check if the hand was all right.  Nobody in the room believed what was found in the baby's hand.

A birth control pill!

13.. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday. We thought it was Sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover...
22. Please excuse Brenda . She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

A man walks into the Election Office, says to the receptionist:

"I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections
to be an Independent candidate."

The receptionist replied "Certainly sir. Please fill out this form."

He was filling the form until he came to the question - "Are you
circumcised?"

So he asked the receptionist - "Is that question necessary?"

She replied... "If you are circumcised, you are not eligible".

He asked what difference it would make if he was circumcised?

She replied...."To become a politician, you have to be a complete prick."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-21726465

honouring truthComments (9)  Alice Walker: Obama charmed me... I was naive
She speaks softly and takes a hard look at life.

But Alice Walker always lives with hope.

"The more you honour truth, the more hopeful you can be," the acclaimed author and activist told me when she came into our BBC studios.

In an interview to mark a documentary about her life - Alice Walker, Beauty in Truth - she hailed the "awakening on the planet about insisting on truth as the guide".

Truth for Alice Walker was enshrined in her 1982 Pulitzer Prize winning book The Color Purple, where she wrote powerfully about a troubled young black woman fighting against a racist and patriarchal culture.

For her and many others, President Barack Obama's historic rise to the White House was a hopeful moment, but for her, an all-too-fleeting one.

"He charmed me, he held out a wonderful vision of a different way," she remarked wistfully, and then broke into a smile. "I was naive," she remarked.

Patriotism means to stand by the country.

It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official.

T. Roosevelt

These are real notes written by parents in the school district. Spellings have been left intact.
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan . 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. For a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip..
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray Friday from school.. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had the <snip>s.
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak

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guy asked a girl in a library; "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?

The girl answered with a loud voice; "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!".

All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!"

...and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears; "I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"

"Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

"No," said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and
pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

"Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?" she asked.

"Uh, no," he said.

She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties
and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 40,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," he said, now really intrigued.

"Well, go look in the garage..."

SENIOR DRIVER
My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car 
that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.

"My goodness," he said with excitement, "you appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore! The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license. I told him 'yes' and handed it to him. 
He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the wastebasket, saying,
'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and left."

Someone
please tell me whats wrong
      with

All
the
      people that run this country!!!!!!

Both

Democrats and
      Republicans

We're
      "broke"

And

can't
      help

Our

own

Seniors,

Veterans,

Orphans,

Homeless,

Etc.,???????????

In the last years we have
provided
      direct cash aid to

Hamas - 351 M,

Libya 1.45 B,

Egypt - 397 M,

Mexico - 622 M,

Russia - 380 M,

Haiti - 1.4 B,

Jordan - 463 M,

Kenya - 816 M,

Sudan - 870 M,

Nigeria - 456 M,

Uganda - 451 M,

Congo - 359 M,

Ethiopia - 981 M,

Pakistan - 2 B,

South Africa - 566
      M,

Senegal - 698
      M,

Mozambique -
      404 M,

Zambia -
      331 M,

Kazakhstan
      - 304 M,

Iraq

- 1.08
      B,

Tanzania - 554
      M,

With

literally Billions of
      Dollars and they still hate us!!!!

Our retired

seniors

Living on a 'fixed
      income'

Receive no aid

Nor do they get any

breaks while our government
And
      religious organizations
pour
Hundreds of

Billions
Of $$$$$$'s

and Tons of Food
To Foreign
      Countries!

We have
Hundreds of
      adoptable
Children who are shoved

aside

To
make room
      for

The

adoption
      of

Foreign
      orphans.

AMERICA:
      a country where we have

Homeless without shelter, children going to bed hungry,

elderly going without
      needed medication and mentally ill without
treatment
      -etc.

YET.......................

They

have

A 'Benefit'
For the
      people of Haiti on
12 TV
      stations,

Ships and planes lining up with food, water, tents

clothes, bedding, doctors
      and medical supplies.

Imagine if
The

*GOVERNMENT*

Gave 'US' the same support they give to other

countries.

Sad
isn't
      it?

A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:

"FREEZE,MUTHA<snip>A!!"

I guess there aren't many farms in Detroit....

0500

Subject: FW: Tie salesman

> > The Jewish Tie Salesman
> >
> > A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties. The Taliban asked,
> >
> > "Do you have water?" The Jewish man replied,
> >
> > "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."
> > The Taliban shouted hysterically,
> >
> > "Idiot infidel! I do not need such an over-priced, western adornment - I spit on your ties. I need water!
> >
> > "Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk - and only $5."
> >
> > "Pahh! Allah curse you and your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny neck and choke the life out of you but... I must conserve my energy and find water!"
> >
> > "Okay," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me OR that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice cold water you need... Go in peace."
> > Cursing him, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead and gasped,
> >
> > "They won't let me in without a tie!