Some good ones
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you
can be in a robe...before you start looking like a mental patient.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social
situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.
Do they just giveyou a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
The speed with which a woman says
"nothing" when asked "What's wrong?"...is inversely proportional to the severity of the crap storm
that's coming.
Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' If you're in Denny's and it's your
birthday, your life sucks!
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I
need...not all this, "How did you get into my house" business!
The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. Pretty sure she's going
to get me something.
On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a
week.Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a
year. This
is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.
I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penney has an older
women's clothing line named, "
Sag Harbor ".
I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of
tattoos.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick
their noses?
Money can't buy happiness but it keeps the kids in touch!
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married...Andy,
Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen,
Thelma Lou, Clara ... And, of course, Opie--all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed
drunk.


