ochoop17's Blog

______ _______ became the first woman to swim the English Channel, arriving in _______, England from France in __ hours.

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

The mental patient who had delusions he was God was asked- "How do you know you are God?"

He answered- " I discovered when I prayed I was actually talking to myself!"

Aug. _, 19__: tHe nuclear_ powered submarine _________ became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater.

A hiker went without sleep for seven days and wasn't tired. How come?

Spotted on a church marquee: “Love your enemies; After all, You made them.”

July 31, 19--: Apollo -- crew members ______ and _________ became the first astronauts to use a lunar rover on the surface of the moon.

A ship in port has a rope ladder that hangs over the side and into the water.
The rungs on the ladder are exactly a foot apart from center to center. At low
tide, three rungs of the ladder are underwater. How many rungs will be
underwater at high tide, which is exactly three feet higher than low tide?

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about
his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so
cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's
friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his
head and walked back inside.

He told the drunk that he thought it might
be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the
car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar
laughing.

"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.

"That stupid
Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

July 28, 19--: World War I began as _______ declared war on _______.

What does the letter "T" and an island have in common?

Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.He says "When did you start wearing them?"  To which the other man replies "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."

July 25, 19-- : The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb near ___________ in the Pacific in the first underwater test of the device.

How do you spell "hard water" with only 3 letters?

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a
little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics
clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

"That's a bit
much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for
$30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing
annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

"What I mean," said
Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a
mirror