ochoop17's Blog

Oct.9, 1701: The Collegiate School Of Connecticut- later ____ University- is chartered in New _____.

All about, but cannot be seen, Can be captured, cannot be held, No throat, but can be heard. What is it?

This guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the guy and says" Have you seen Eileen?"

The guy is rather confused and asked " Eileen who?"

The bartender relies, "I lean over and you kiss my butt."

Well the man was offended by this and walks out the door and into the bar across the street.

So he sits down and orders a beer. While he is drinking his beer he tells the bartender what the other bartender said to him.

The bartender then told him," You know what you should do, you should go back over there and ask him if he has seen Ben and when he says Ben who you say I bend over and you kiss my butt.

So the guy goes back across the street and asks the Bartender if he has seen Ben.

And the Bartender said " Yep, He just went out the door with Eileen."

The guy asks" Eileen who?

Oct. 6, 1889: Inventor __________shows his first motion pictures in ________, NJ.

How can you add eight 8's to get the number 1,000? (only use addition)

Three guys decide to play a round of golf: a priest, a psychologist, and an economist.

They get behind a *very* slow two-some, who, despite a caddy, are taking all day to line up their shots and four-putting every green, and so on. By the 8th hole, the three men are complaining loudly about the slow play ahead and swearing a blue streak, and so on. The priest says, "Holy Mary, I pray that they should take some lessons before they play again." The psychologist says, "I swear there are people that like to play golf slowly." The economist says, "I really didn't expect to spend this much time playing a round of golf."

By the 9th hole, they have had it with slow play, so the psychologist goes to the caddy and demands that they be allowed to play through. The caddy says O.K., but then explains that the two golfers are blind, that both are retired firemen who lost their eyesight saving people in a fire, and that explains their slow play, and would they please not swear and complain so loud.

The priest is mortified; he says, "Here I am a man of the cloth and I've been swearing at the slow play of two blind men." The psychologist is also mortified; he says, "Here I am a man trained to help others with their problems and I've been complaining about the slow play of two blind men."

The economist ponders the situation-finally he goes back to the caddy and says, "Listen, the next time could they play at night."

Oct. 2,1994: _______ beat son, _________ in the first meeting between father and son coaches in professional sports.

What nail should you never hit with a hammer?

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got
to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the docotor
inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the
ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My
friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your
self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror.
Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive
person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing
all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out
of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same
downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the
doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some
of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking
women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the
man replied. "My wife does."

Sept. 29, 1943: U. S. Gen. __________ and Italian __________ sign an armistice during World War II aboard the British ship _____ off Malta.

It is in a rock but not in a stone,
it is in marrow but not in a bone. It is in a bolster but not in a bed, it is
not living, nor is it dead. What is it?

There was a sea scout camp near a beach where the porpoises were so friendly
that they swam to shore every night at dinner time. Every night the chef used to
announce dinner by yelling: "Dinner! For all in tents...and porpoises."

Sept. 25 1904: A ______ police officer ordered a female automobile passenger on ____ Avenue to stop smoking a ______.

You will know that I am coming
From the jingle of my bell,
But exactly who I am is not an easy thing to tell.

Children, they adore me
for they find me jolly,
but I do not see them when the halls are decked with holly.

My job often leaves me frozen,
I am a man that all should know,
But I do not do business in times of sleet or ice or snow.

I travel much on business,
But no reindeer haul me around,
I do all my traveling firmly on the ground.

I love the time of Christmas,
But that's not my vocational season,
And I assure that is because of a sound economic reason.

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the
plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach
because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde,
I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach
Jamaica."

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the
blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a
good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head
stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have
to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a
problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The
copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up
and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot
in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot
replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to
Jamaica."