ochoop17's Blog

Aug. 21, 16--: Galileo Galilei demonstrated his new telescope to officials atop the ____ in Venice.

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, asked during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body which, under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define those conditions?"

Miss Smythe gasped, then said coolly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you, my parents will hear of this," and sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct Miss Johnson." said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe,I have three things to say to you. ONE, you have not studied your lesson. TWO, you have a dirty mind. And THREE, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment!"

• The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it?

Aug.17, 1807: Robert Fulton's _______Steamboat began heading up the ________River on its sucessful round trip between _______and ______.

I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

• I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

• I will get dressed before noon.

• I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

• I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

• I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

• I will read a book... if I still remember how.

• I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

• I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

• I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

• I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

• Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

What is bought by
the yard, and worn by the foot?

Aug.15, 14--: The ______ Chapel was consecrated by Pope ______.

My brother is a terrible musician. The other day he asked my sister if she had heard his last recital.
She replied: "I certainly hope so".

What has rivers but no water,
forests but no trees,
and cities but no
buildings?

Aug. 11 19-- : The first federal prisoners arrived at _______ (a former military prison) in _________ Bay.

A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.

‘If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.’

A girl who was just learning to drive went down a one-way street in the wrong direction, but didn't break the law.
              How come?

Aug. 9, 18--: The United States and Canada resolved a border dispute by signing the _______ Treaty.

A crowded flight is cancelled, and a frazzled agent must rebook a long line of inconvenienced travelers by herself. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushes to the front and demands to be on the next flight, first class.

The agent replies, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first."

The passenger screams, "Do you have ANY idea who I am?"

The gate agent grabs her public address microphone, "May I have your attention, please? We have a passenger here WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."

The man grits his teeth, "Screw you."

She replies, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

In the NBA, how many men  are on the basketball court for each team?