This is my first post. I joined because no one gets what I am going through. I have told lots of people and basically get blown off as if this is not that big of a deal. I hear "you wouldnt have hit or come on now get over it, cant win if you dont play" type responses and then I am left to myself to deal with it. I cannot stop it from popping into my mind and every morning, evening and drive by the gas station sets me off into a repeated series of GD's that continue until I finally get tired of beating myself up or someone else is around and I have to stop it. It is especially bad before work and I am afraid my neighbor who walks their dog by my bathroom in the morning has heard my cussing sessions in the shower. I have lost sleep.I'm ok most of the time with random sessions of intense regret.
I casually play the lotto. I have only spent a few hundred dollars or so I guess since the lotto came to my state. I have studied it some and discovered that the odds are really bad and I think I may have won $3 one time. Several people at work play all the time and they motivate me to play by just hearing them talk about it on drawing days. So when the the power ball gets big or I feel lucky I usually buy a few tickets.
Anyway 3/4/15 I had a perfect drive to and from work which is quite rare, no one pulled out in front of me and I got to go 63mph on cruise each way to my amazement. I decided I should buy some lotto tickets because I needed gas. During the feb. 2015 564 million jackpot which I played for several times I told one of my co-workers who plays all the time that I was going to pick some numbers that really mean something to me and just play those when ever the pots get big or when ever I decide to play plus maybe a couple of QP's.
So those numbers were 8-12-15-35-50 and I would pick the powerball out of a few numbers and I cant explain my reason b/c it is just too lengthy to type out, but I am certain 32 was most likely the number I would have picked based on my system and the previous ticket I would have been looking at to choose my numbers that day.
The numbers all represent important dates/ages/years of me and my immediate family. I had played the exact numbers for the 564 jack pot. I did change one number the last time I played them 8-12-35-50-55 because I was trying three big numbers vs three small ones 8-12-15-35-50 but I intended to go back to my original number and play both sets next time because I was still finalizing my actual one favorite set decision.
Anyway after gas I thought I am running late, I need groceries, I have to cook , and then it happened,
I thought my numbers never hit, maybe after dinner I'll go out and get them, but who am I kidding when I check back in a few days I'll confirm I made the right decision.
When I checked the numbers the following saturday my eyes got big as saucers, I cant believe I screwed this up, now I am having a very hard time dealing with the thought that I would have been able to retire and live the life of a carefree rich guy. This is very tough on me. Poof it is gone, back to work till i die, i despise having to get up and work every day punching a clock, and this statistically will never happen again. I feel like I missed the one biggest chance at an incredible adventure I'll ever get. Even though I am ok financially without it, the idea of the complete financial freedom of winning if I would have just followed through with my original plan is killing me.
It was for 90 million, 31,700,000 after taxes. The 5 balls were a lock at 1,000,000 - 600,000 after tax
I feel a cussing session coming on.......any thoughts that can help me deal with this are appreciated.