emilyg's Blog

Found on Glade Plug-Ins Night-light Candle Scents:

                        CAUTION: Risk of electrical shock.  This product is not a toy.  It is for adult use only....Keep out of children's reach.

                          So, to keep these night-lights out of children's reach, you'll have to rewire your house so all your electrical outlets are five feet off the ground.

which world leader poses a danger to world peace:

bin laden 87%

bush        75%

jong-II    69%

  Look upon every experience you've ever had, and everyone who's ever played any role in your life, as having been sent to you for your benefit.  In this Universe, there are simply no accidents.

Found on a box of Q-Tips cotton swabs:

          WARNING: Use only as directed.  Entering the ear canal could cause injury.  Keep out of reach of children.

Good warning.  We don't see how anyone could possibly fit into an ear canal without bursting themselves.  If we're not supposed to put them in our ears, what are they for???

  If you play the game of life, know that you'll have plenty of wins and losses, regardless of your talent level.

House Majority Leader John Boehner blames the military for failures in Iraq.

Wonder when he'll apologize.

Found on the instruction sheet of a Conair Pro Style hair dryer

                  WARNING:  do not use in shower, never use while sleeping.

And never  blow-dry your hair while you're sleeping in the shower.

Iraq says it needs $100 Billion in aid-

imagine - just imagine what that kind of money could do to help our children and senior citizens who go to bed hungry.

  Found on a Bungee cord:

Use Extreme Caution when stretching cord over load.  Keep face and other vulnerable body parts away from potential cord rebound path.

But feel free to attach the Bungee cord to yourself and leap off a tall bridge.

  Happiness and success are inner processes that we bring to life's undertakings, rather than something we get from "out there."

  Found on a plastic bottle of Mott's apple juice:

        Plastic Bottle.  Excellent Source of Vitamin C.

To heck with oranges, other citric fruits, and vitamin supplements - eat just one plastic bottle a day and keep those colds away!

  You'll come to know that the fear of not having enough prevents many from seeing that they already are enough.

  What makes you human is not this form, but the invisible intelligence that suffuses it - mind, spirit, God, whatever you want to call it.

  Found on public rest room Continuous Roll Towel dispensers:

  maintenance operator:  Failure to follow loading instructions could result in serious injury or death

Death for failing to follow instructions?  Who'd have thought that janitors were working under such strict scrutiny?

What's the penalty for failing to fill all the toilet-paper holders?

Free speech is the whole thing, the whole ballgame.  Free speech is life itself.

                          Salman Rushdie