emilyg's Blog

  In any relationship in which two people become one, the end result is two half people.

Isolate:  an explanation for extreme tardiness, usually in the form of an excuse.  "Sorry isolate, but I hit a deer on the way here.!"

Goddess:  the future action of a supreme being. " Goddess gonna get you for that."

  If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you're residing on another planet, with a different reality system.

Pumpkin - a declaration about the capabilitiesof a device used for suctional or compressive transfer of liquids or air.

      "No way that little pumpkin fill up these tires."

Grocer - an inquiry regarding the extent of repulsiveness. 

      "Is he grocer what.?"

Found on Axius Sno-Off Auto Windshield cover:

                      CAUTION:  Never drive with the cover on your windshield.

Unless, of course, you cut a big hole in it so you can see. 

  Send out love and harmony, put your mind and body in a peaceful place, and then allow the universe to work in the perfect way it knows how.

Afar - an object in the state of combustion.  "There's no sense bein' this cold - let's build afar."

Alaska - to resolve to make an inquiry. "If I wanna know where to find a polar bear, Alaska guy who lives here."

  There's a big difference between not liking someone's behavior and not liking someone.

Found on a butane lighter:

                          WARNING:  Flame may cause fire.

Similarly, the water emitted from  squirt guns may cause wetness.

  Reexamine the sentence, "Just do your best."    Substitute with "Just do."

Found on a can of Nabisco Easy Cheese:

        For best results, remove cap.

For worse results, hit product repeatedly with a sledgehammer.

  Your opinions are trivial, but your commitments to them make all the difference in the world.

Found on the inside of a pull-top lid of liquid radiator sealant:

              CAUTION: Do not lick lid.

Yeah, but after drinking the entire bottle of radiator sealant, it's hard to contain ourselves.

  If you slip, it doesn't mean you're less valuable.  It simply means you have something to learn from slipping.

Found on Right Guard Sport deodorant:

    WARNING:  Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents may be harmful or fatal.

If you're intentionally inhaling spray deodorant, you're probably not reading warning labels with a clear head.

Why sniff aerosol deodorant when you can bake deodorant sticks into brownies?