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The BEST Little Johnny joke I have ever heard!

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly,

"My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that

approach for my obvious success."

"Very good", said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and

I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box

full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher,

"How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip

stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say,

"It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method

of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and

then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment.
Bless his heart.

Why Mitt Romney is Unlikable!
A lot is being said in the media about Mitt Romney not being "likable" or that he doesn't "relate well" to people.  Frankly, we struggled to understand why. So after much research, we have come up with a Top Ten List to explain this "unlikablility."
>> 
>> Top Ten Reasons To Dislike Mitt Romney:
>> 
>> 1. Drop-dead, collar-ad handsome with gracious, statesmanlike aura. Looks like every central casting's #1 choice for Commander-in-Chief.
>> 
>> 2. Been married to ONE woman his entire life, and has been faithful to her, including through her bouts with breast cancer and MS.
>> 
>> 3. No scandals or skeletons in his closet. (How boring is that?)
>> 
>> 4. Can't speak in a fake, southern, "black preacher voice" when necessary.
>> 
>> 5. Highly intelligent. Graduated cum laude from both Harvard Law School and Harvard Business School...and by the way, his academic records are NOT sealed.
>> 
>> 6. Doesn't smoke or drink alcohol, and has never done drugs, not even in the counter -culture age when he went to college. Too square for today's America?
>> 
>> 7. Represents an America of "yesterday", where people believed in God, went to Church, didn't screw around, worked hard, and became a SUCCESS!
>> 
>> 8. Has a family of five great sons....and none of them have police records or are in drug rehab. But of course, they were raised by a stay-at-home mom, and that "choice" deserves America's scorn.
>> 
>> 9. Oh yes.....he's a MORMON. We need to be very afraid of that very strange religion that teaches its members to be clean-living, patriotic, fiscally conservative, charitable, self-reliant, and honest.
>> 
>> 10. And one more point.....pundits say because of his wealth, he can't relate to ordinary Americans. I guess that's because he made that money HIMSELF.....as opposed to marrying it or inheriting it from Dad.
>> 
>> Apparently, he didn't understand that actually working at a job and earning your own money made you unrelatable to Americans. My goodness, it's a strange world, isn't it?
>> ***************************************************** Personal Information:
>> 
>> His full Name is: Willard Mitt Romney He was Born: March 12, 1947 and is 65 years old. His Father: George W. Romney, former Governor of the State of Michigan He was raised in Bloomfield Hills , Michigan He is Married to Ann Romney since 1969; they have five children.
>> 
>> Education: B. A. from Brigham Young University, J. D. and M.B.A. from Harvard University
>> 
>> Religion: Mormon - The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints
>> 
>> Working Background: After high school, he spent 30 months in France as a Mormon missionary. After going to both Harvard Business School and Harvard Law School simultaneously, he passed the Michigan bar exam, but never worked as an attorney. In 1984, he co-founded Bain Capital a private equity investment firm, one of the largest such firms in the United States.
>> 
>> In 1994, he ran for Senator of Massachusetts and lost to Ted Kennedy.
>> 
>> He was President and CEO of the 2002 Winter Olympic Games.
>> 
>> In 2002, he was elected Governor of the State of Massachusetts where he eliminated a 1.5 billion deficit. Some Interesting Facts about Romney:
>> 
>> Bain Capital, starting with one small office supply store in Massachusetts, turned it into Staples; now over 2,000 stores employing 90,000 people. Bain Capital also worked to perform the same kinds of business miracles again and again, with companies like Domino's, Sealy, Brookstone, Weather Channel, Burger King, Warner Music Group, Dollarama, Home Depot Supply and many others.
>> 
>> He was an unpaid volunteer campaign worker for his dad's gubernatorial campaign 1 year.
>> 
>> He was an unpaid intern in his dad's governor's office for eight years.
>> 
>> He was an unpaid bishop and state president of his church for ten years.
>> 
>> He was an unpaid President of the Salt Lake Olympic Committee for three years.
>> 
>> He took no salary and was the unpaid Governor of Massachusetts for four years. He gave his entire inheritance from his father to charity.
>> 
>> Mitt Romney is one of the wealthiest self-made men in our country but has given more back to its citizens in terms of money, service and time than most men.
>> 
>> And in 2011 Mitt Romney gave over $4 million to charity, almost 19% of his income....
>> 
>> Just for comparison purposes, Obama gave 1% and Joe Biden gave $300 or .0013%.
>> 
>> 
>> Mitt Romney is Trustworthy:
>> 
>> He will show us his high school and college transcripts.
>> 
>> He will show us his social security card.
>> 
>> He will show us his law degree.
>> 
>> He will show us his draft notice.
>> 
>> He will show us his medical records.
>> 
>> Mitt Romney's background, experience and trustworthiness show him to be a great leader and an excellent citizen for President of the United States. You may think that Romney may not be the best representative the Republicans could have selected. At least I know what religion he is, and that he won't desecrate the flag, bow down to foreign powers, or practice fiscal irresponsibility.
>> 
>> I know he has the ability to turn around this financial debacle that the current regime has gotten us into. We won't like all the things necessary to recover from this debt, but someone with Romney's background can do it.
>> 
>> But, on the minus side, he never was a "Community Organizer", never took drugs or smoked pot, never got drunk, did not associate with communists or terrorists, nor did he attend a church whose pastor called for God to <snip> the US.
>>

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Wall Street Journal's Stephen Moore: 'Obama wants to make everyone equally poor'

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/#ixzz290iefLFv

Carlos Slim, World's Richest Man, Profiting Off 'Obamaphones' Aimed At Helping The Poor

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/10/carlos-slim-obamaphones_n_1955929.html?1349904042&icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D218339

Now isn't that nic?  Obama really cares about poor people - NOT

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AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS

An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look.  He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw that
the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again,
& the bear was even closer.

He tripped & fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!'

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years,
teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'  'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?'

'Am I to count you as a believer?'

The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'

'Very well', said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed.  And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

There are people who take the heart out of you and there are people who put it back.

Elizabth David

http://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/editorials/20120929-editorial-dallas-morning-news-endorses-mitt-romney-for-president.ece

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An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody standing around was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and <snip>ed both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12gauge barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but...but I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for all of us here:

*Don't be arrogant.
*Don't waste ammunition.
*Whisky makes you think you're smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control.
*And finally, don't screw around with old folks; they didn't
get old by being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?

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Hopkins;  Mike Moraghan
Subject: Simply Amazing --- Tiger Woods

This is totally true, our media only reports what they want us to hear and not always the truth.

Isn't it amazing that, within only one week of Tiger Woods crashing his Escalade, the press found every woman with whom Tiger has had an affair during the last few years?

And, they even uncovered photos, text messages, recorded phone calls, etc.!

Furthermore, they not only know the cause of the family fight, but they even know it was a 9 iron from his golf bag that his wife used to break out the windows in the Escalade.

Not only that, they know which wedge!

And, each & every day, they were able to continue to provide America with updates on Tiger's sex rehab stay, his wife's divorce settlement figures, as well as the dates & tournaments in which he will play.

Now, Barack Hussein Obama has been in office for over three years, yet this very same press:

�       Cannot find any of his childhood friends or neighbors;

�       Or find any of Obama's high school or college classmates;

�       Or locate any of his college papers or grades;

�       Or determine how he paid for both a Columbia & a Harvard education;

�       Or discover which country issued his visa to travel to Pakistan in the 1980's;

�       Or even find Michelle Obama's Princeton thesis on racism.

They just can't seem to uncover any of this.

Yet, the public still trusts that same press to give them the whole truth!

Don't you find that totally amazing?

You cannot get the water to

clear up until you get the pigs out of

the creek.

O eyes 'blind sheik' release (GOPers blast idea to appease Egypt)
NY Post ^ | 9/20/12 | Josh Margolin

Posted on Thursday, September 20, 2012 9:05:29 AM by The G Man

The Obama administration is weighing the release of blind Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman � the spiritual adviser to the 1993 World Trade Center bombers � in a stunning goodwill gesture toward Egypt that has touched off a political firestorm, officials said yesterday.

The Egyptian government "asked for his release," an