ochoop17's Blog

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

What has no beginning, end, or middle?

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

What is the next letter in the series: "B, C, D, E, G, ..."? And Why?

Embarrassing Situations!
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"

There was a competition where the contestants had to hold something. At the end of the event, the winner was a person who was physically disabled (he had no hands or feet)! What was it that the contestants have to hold?

In a very meek tone, Little Johnny asks his teacher, "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"

"Of course not, Johnny," she responds.

"Great, because I didn't do my homework."

What loses its head in the morning and gets it back at night?

he story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children's Sunday School class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story.
       
       Little Bobby was most interested and drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat, behind the wheel was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman.
       
       The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve.
       
       But little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. "Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!"

What's easier to give than receive?

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, 'Where is Jesus today?'

Steven raised his hand and said, 'He's in heaven.'

Mary was called on and answered, 'He's in my heart.'

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, 'I know! I know! He's in our bathroom !'

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, 'Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?''

If a man has 5 oranges in one hand and 4 apples in the other… What does he have?

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
       
       "The front row please." she answered.
       
       "You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
       
       "Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
       
       "No." he said.
       
       "I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
       
       "Do you know who I am?" he asked.
       
       "No." she said.
       
       "Good", he answered.

What has 5(sometimes 4) hands but is normal

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.

The second lawyer looked at him and said, "Are you crazy? You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"

"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."