ochoop17's Blog

In a very meek tone, Little Johnny asks his teacher, "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"

"Of course not, Johnny," she responds.

"Great, because I didn't do my homework."

What word begins and ends with an ‘e’ but only has one letter?

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

"Are you crazy" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?!"

"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Is an older one-hundred dollar bill worth more than a newer one?

Two drunks are making conversation at the bar:
-Tell me, how does your wife reacts when you come home drunk?
- I'm not married!
- And why are you drinking?

A man is pushing his car along the road when he comes to a hotel. He shouts, "I'm bankrupt!" Why?

Father Reynold was having a conversation with a group of kids about how good behavior could help them go to Heaven. When he had finished, he asked them, "Where does everyone here want to go?"

Little Tina remarked, "Heaven!"

Father Reynold asked, "And what should you be to be able to get there?"

Little Harry replied, "Dead!"

"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious patient. "You only have six months to live."

The man sat in stunned silence for several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically announced that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time," he said."OK," the doctor said. "let's make it nine months."

What has a bottom at its top?

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

What vegetable do bugs try and stay away from?

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

Why do you need to take a baseball player with you when you go camping?

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door.
       
       The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.
       
       "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
       
       The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door.
       
       "I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
       
       "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.
       
       "You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.
       
       The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"