ochoop17's Blog

Q: Which would be better, an old 10 dollar bill or a new one?
A: An old 10 because, 10 is worth more than 1!

What do you get if you mix a car, a fly, and a dog?

The brunette had been married about a year. One day the she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy. He didn't know how to react, so he started jumping up and down along with her.

"Why are we so happy?" he asked.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

"Great" he said, "tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped, breathless from all the jumping up and down "I'm pregnant!" she gasped.

The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for quite a while. He grabbed her, and kissed her

"Wow, that is wonderful," "I couldn't be happier!"

Then she said, "Oh, honey there's more."

"What do you mean more?", he asked.

"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

He was amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant "How do you that," he asked.

"It was easy," she said."I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit."

"Both tests came out positive!"

If a man were born in Greece, raised in Spain, came to America, and died in San Francisco, what is he?

Why was Cinderella so lousy at baseball? Who could blame her, she had a pumpkin for a coach and was always running from the ball!

I am a seven letter word. I am very heavy. Take away two letters from me and you will get 8. Take away one letter from me and you will get 80. Who am I?

A Florida couple was arrested for having sex on top of a car at a dealership. Apparently the man had always wanted to test drive a model that had been around the block a few times.

What is the next letter in the series: "B, C, D, E, G, ..."? And Why?

An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. 

The Physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator, and some friends. He had them all time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk.

The Math student waited until the sun was going down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape,and scratch pad, measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof made from the ground, and used trignometry to figure out the height of the building.

These two students bumped into the Engineering student the next day, who was nursing a really bad hangover.  When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied:

"Well, I walked up to the bellhop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and hit the bar inside for happy hour!"

You eat something you neither plant nor plow.
It is the son of water, but if water touches it, it dies.

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. 
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.   
  The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had   
  moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. 

Holding hands they walked  back to their old school. 
I t was not locked, so  they entered, and found the old desk   
  they'd shared where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally.' 

On their way back ho me , a bag of money fell out of   
  an armored car,  practically landing at their feet. 
Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure   
  what to do with it, they took it home.   
  There, she counted the money:     
fifty-thousand dollars!   

Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.'   

Sally said, 'Finders keepers.'   

  She  put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. 
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood   
  looking for the money and knocked on the door. 

'Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag   
  that  fell out of an armored car yesterday?' 
   
Sally said, 'No.'   

Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.'   

Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile.' 

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.   

One says:  'Tell us the story from the beginning'   

Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ..'

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, 'We're outta here.

1. A barrel of water weighs 20 pounds. What must you add to it to make it weigh 12 pounds?

1. It has no top or bottom but it can hold flesh, bones, and blood all at the same time. What is this object?

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"