ochoop17's Blog

What comes down but never goes up?

A Canadian man missed out on sharing a $27 Million lottery prize when his ticket was printed seven seconds past the deadline. It was most money lost over a few seconds other than any company that has bought commercial time during the second half of the Super Bowl.

What is often returned but never borrowed?

Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish."

Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?

Sid and John, totally drunk at the bar, were driving home. Sid yelled, "John! Watch out for the tree. Watch out Johhnnnn!"

Crash!!Boom! Bang!!!

They hit the tree and passed out.

They found themselves in adjacent hospital beds the next morning. Sid said to John, "You are such an idiot. I shouted there was a tree ahead. Why didn't you listen to me???"

John replied, "It was YOU driving!!"

What is wider than life itself
Longer than forever
So simple it’s complicated
Travels but never leaves the spot
Puts others in danger but no one gets hurt
And reaches to worlds unknown?

A lonely frog, desperate for some form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

Your mother’s brother’s only brother-in-law is asleep on your couch. Who is asleep on your couch?

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?

“Morris Feinberg,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”

“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.”

“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.”

“I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a wall.”

"My uncle ran for Senate last year."

"Really? What does he do now?"

"Nothing. He got elected."

What does this mean? . . . . . . . .

What does this mean? . . . . . . . .

Did you hear about the snail that got beat up by two turtles?
At the police station they asked him, “Did you get a good look at the turtles that did this? He said, “No, it all happened so fast.”