ochoop17's Blog

The word 'FACETIOUSLY' contains the six vowels, A-E-I-O-U and Y, in their alphabetical order. Can you find another English word that does the same?

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:

 

"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.

He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.

He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"

How many blocks of stone did it take to complete one of the pyramids?

A woman was arrested for shop lifting. 

What do you call a kitten which drinks lemonade?

Doctor: Have you ever fainted before? 
Patient: Yes, the last time you told me your fees.

What lives forever, and if you eat it, YOU DIE?

Whether a man winds up with the nest egg or a goose egg depends a
lot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his
salt that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.

When a man marries a woman, they become one, but the trouble starts
when they try to decide which one.

If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a
thoroughbred, she will never be an old nag.

Judgin' from the specimens they pick for husbands, it's no wonder
that brides often blush.

On anniversaries the wise husband always forgets the past...but
never the present.

A foolish husband remarks to his wife "Honey, you stick to the
washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."

The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest
is kept up.

Many girls like to marry a military man--he can cook, sew, make a
bed, and is in good health...and he's already used to taking orders.

Grandpappy and his wife were discussin' their 50th wedding
anniversary when she said, "Shall I kill a chicken tonight?" "Naw,
said Grandpappy, "Why blame a bird for something' that happened
50 years ago."

  A thief enters a shop and threatens the clerk, forcing him to open the safe. The clerk says, "The code for the safe is different every day, and if you hurt me you'll never get the code". But the thief manages to guess the code on his own.

How did he do it?

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence
one night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and
purred: "I'll die for you!" The tabby gazed at him from under
lowered eyelids and asked: "How many times?"

Some will use me while others will not some have remembered while others have forgot. For profit or gain I"m used expertly I can"t be picked off the ground or tossed into the sea. Only gained from patience and time can you unravel my rhyme?"

A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bar tender turns to the grasshopper and says " hey, you know we have a drink named after you?"

The grasshopper responds "why in the heck do you have a drink named Bob?"

What Runs Through The City Without Moving?

The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months

I hated it when my old aunties used to poke and prod me on weddings saying , you're next.

However they stopped, when I started doing the same to them at funerals.