ochoop17's Blog

What is bought by the yard, and worn by the foot?

There were three men on an airplane somewhere above the atlantic ocean. Suddenly Death apears on the plane. He says"Before I take you all with me 'll give you a chance to survive. Each one of you will throw something to the ocean and if I find it you will die".

The first one throws a needle. Death goes down to the ocean searching for it. After a couple of minutes he comes back with the needle

The second one throws a hair. Death goes down and after ten minutes he comes back with the hair

The third one throws quickly something and Death goes down again. About an hour later he comes back and says to the guy "Ok you win, I'll let you live.But tell me what did you throw?

The guy says "An effervescent tablet

What do you get when you eat onions and beans?

What does this mean? . . . . . . . .

If the police arrest a mime artist, do they tell him that he has the right to remain silent?

The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID!
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.

How can a pants pocket be empty and still have something in it?

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stranded on a deserted island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says: "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one".
The brunette says, "Ive been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home". POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says: "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too". POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks: "My dear, whats the matter?" The blonde whimpers: "I wish my friends were still here."

WHAT HAS A HEAD EVERY NIGHT BUT DOESN'T EVERY MORNING?

Question: What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
Answer:  a widow.

If you throw me from the window,
I will leave a grieving wife.
Bring me back, but in the door, and
You'll see someone giving life!

What am I?

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

My author's uncertain yet my title's the same,
I contain random text yet order's my aim.
Read me one day and see my pages are totally bare.
Try again another day and the words will be there.
I'm not a book of magic although it may sound,
I can predict the future, and inside, your life can be found.
Move my eye, I become involved in lactic extraction.
But that's just a clue, a minor distraction.

What am I?

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?