ochoop17's Blog

I pass before the sun, yet make no shadow.
What am I?

Backbone Mountain can be found in what two states ?

A woman wakes up during the night, and her husband isn’t in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him and finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

 

"What's the matter, dear?" she asks: "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

 

The husband looks up from his coffee and says: "Do you remember 20 years ago, when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

 

"Yes, I do," she replies.

 

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

 

"Yes, I remember," says the wife: lowering herself into a chair beside him.

 

"Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said: "Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

 

"I remember that, too," she replies softly.

 

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says: "I would have gotten out today."

What common English verb becomes its own past tense by rearranging its letters?

In a 1850 speech, Henry Clay said that he would rather be right than what ?

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.

 

A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're cute!" The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute."

 

She said: "What happened to 'beautiful'?"

 

The man replied: "The drugs are wearing off!"

I am used to bat with, yet I never get a hit.
I am near a ball, yet it is never thrown.
What am I?

After Pete Rose & Ty Cobb, who has the most career hits in baseball?

Old man O'Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned.

 

The foreman thought it should be his job to inform Widow O'Malley of her husband's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell.

 

When she came to the door, he said: "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned."

 

She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked: "Tell me: did he suffer?"

 

"Knowing Brian O'Malley as well as I did, I don't think so," said the foreman: "He got out three times to go to the men's room."

A basket contains 5 apples. Do you know how to divide them among 5 kids so that each one has an apple and one apple stays in the basket?

What group had a hit in 1963 with the song " One Fine Day " ?

A golfer whose car broke down flagged down a passing bus and got aboard. He sat down on the bus with his pockets full of golf balls, next to a little old lady. The little old lady kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he looked over and simply said: "Golf balls."

 

The little old lady continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally asked: "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Four cars come to a four way stop all coming from a different direction. They can't decide who got there first so they all go forward at the same time. They do not crash into each other but all four cars go. How is this possible?

How old is Bruce Jenner ?

"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious patient: "You only have six months to live."

 

The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time."

 

"Okay," the doctor said: "let's make it nine months."