ochoop17's Blog

What do you do when a 200 pound cat is chasing you?

Ken Jennings is known for his winning streak on what TV game show ?

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said: "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

 

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager: "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

What kind of sport starts with a t?

Who had a hit in 1984 with the song, " Jungle Love " ?

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant: "You're charged with beating your colleague to death with a hammer."

 

All of a sudden a voice at the back of the courtroom yells out: "You <snip>!"

 

The judge says: "You're also charged with beating your supervisor to death with a hammer."

 

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out: "You f*cking <snip>!"

 

The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom: "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that a problem?"

 

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says: "It sure is. For 15 years, I've lived next door to that <snip>, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

See if you can figure out what these words have in common (and don't cheat until you have to). I failed.

1. Banana 2. Dresser 3. Grammar 4. Potato 5. Revive 6. Uneven

Are you peeking or have you already given up? Give it another try.... Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer. This is so cool.....

Greg Luzinski began his baseball career with what team ?

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child.

 

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said: "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

 

Johnny looked up and replied: "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

My thunder comes before the lightning; My lightning comes before the clouds; My rain dries all the land it touches. What am I?

Who played Sue Ellen Ewing on TV's "Dallas" ?

A hippopotamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.

 

"That will be $7.50, please," says the bartender.

 

So the hippo gives the bartender his money and starts to sip his beer.

 

"You know, we don't get very many hippos in here," mutters the bartender.

 

The hippo replies: "At these prices, it's no wonder!"

While walking down the street I met a man. He tipped his hat and drew his cane and in this riddle I told his name. What is the man’s name?

What is the square root of 10,000 ?

A mother is driving her young daughter to her friend’s house for a play date.

 

"Mommy," the little girl asks: "how old are you?"

 

The mother looks over at the little girl and says: "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, it isn't polite."

 

"OK," the little girl says: "How much do you weigh?"

 

"Now really," the mother says: "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."

 

Undaunted, the little girl asks: "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"

 

"Enough of your questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother drops her daughter off and leaves her to play with her friend.

 

"My mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend, a few moments later.

 

"All you need to do is look at her driver's license," the friend replies: "It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

 

Later that night the little girl says to her mother: "I know you are 32."

 

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

 

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds," the little girl says.

 

The mother is past surprise and shock now: "How in heaven's name did you find that out?" she asks.

 

The little girl continues on triumphantly, "And... I know why you and daddy got divorced."

 

"Oh really?" the mother asks: "Why is that?"

 

To which the girl replies: "Because you got an F in sex."