ochoop17's Blog

When I'm under you, I'm a five letter word.

Take out the first letter and I come above you.

Take out the second too and I'm all around you.

Not all can tell me who I am but only few.

Can you?

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

What is it that someone else has to take before you can get it?

Which day of the week do chickens hate most?

I have no eyes no legs or ears and I help move the earth. What am I?

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."

Whoever makes it, tells it not. Whoever takes it, knows it not. Whoever knows it, wants it not. What is it?

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

What do you fill with empty hands?

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says:

"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."

What do you call a kitten drinking lemonade?

A man goes for a shave at the barber. As he sits down in the chair, the barber comes over and pulls a small wooden ball out of his apron. “What’s this?”, asked the man curiously. The barber instructs him to put it in his mouth and to put it in his cheeks as he’s shaved. “It will be the closest shave you’ve ever had!” exclaimed the barber.

The shave is going very smoothly and sure enough the man receives the smoothest, closest shave he ever dreamed of. All of a sudden, the man gags a little and swallows the ball accidentally. Horrified he asks, “Now what!?” “No worries”said the barber “bring it back tomorrow like everyone else!”

What does this mean? . . . . . . . .