ochoop17's Blog

Birthdays are good for your health - Studies have shown if you have more birthdays, you live longer.

How does Santa remember which chimneys he’s been down?

Find three positive whole numbers that have the same answer added together or when multiplied together.

Think ?

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

The eight of us go forth not back to protect our king from a foes attack.

An accountant applies for the position of Chief Financial Officer. There are a number of candidates and he is called in for an interview. They ask him a number of questions and one of the panel suddenly says "What is nine multiplied by four?" He thinks quickly and says "Thirty five." When the interview is over he goes outside, takes out his calculator and finds the correct answer is not thirty five. He thinks "Well, I blew that" and goes home very disappointed. Next day he is rung up and told he has got the job. "Wonderful," he says, "but what about nine multiplied by four? My answer wasn't right" "We know, but of all the candidates you came the closest."

What bird is with you at every meal?

What does this mean? . . . . . . . .

Two colleagues in the office:
- How did it end the fight with your wife?
- She came crawling to me.
- And what did she say?
- Get out from under the bed!

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

"Hello" you call unto the black
      and just and friendly I'd speak back.
Yet it's a lie, I only quote
      that welcoming into my throat.

Surely, you think, they're just for show,
      those fangs you see both high and low
and though my heart's as black as night
      you needn't worry - I won't bite.

Rather I'm much like a fairy tale troll
      swallowing anything that comes to me whole.
My skin is thicker than any bruit,
      yet I haven't life and alone I'm mute

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."

The man asks "What is it?"

The doc replies, "Viagra."

The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.

"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"

Question: What tastes better than it smells?