ochoop17's Blog

Feb 15, 1994: ______ makes one of the greatest comebacks in college basketball history with a 99-95 victory over _____ after trailing by 31 points with 15:30 to play.

A man walks into a drug store with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,

"What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of -factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.....Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The Dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."

"Cool, says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men." the Dad answers, "Two for Friday, Two for Saturday and Two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up the 12 pack.

With a sigh, the Dad replied, "Those are for married men, one for January, one for February, one for March..."

What’s the biggest moth in the world?

______, as a member of the four-man U. S. bobsled team, won a gold medal at the Winter Olympics in Lake Placid, New York. He previously won a gold medal in boxing ______ division at the 1920 Summer Games In ______, _______.

The Un-Associated Press reported in a news bulletin today that a pregnant woman who has been in a coma for nine months following an automobile accident has given birth to twins, a baby girl and a baby boy. Awakening from her coma and learning that she had given birth to twins, she asked if names had already been given to them.

"Yes," her doctor informed her, "because we didn't know if you would ever come out of the coma, your brother Henry gave them their names."

"Oh dear God," the woman moaned, "my brother, Henry, is the family idiot. What in the world did he name them?"

"He named the baby girl Denise," answered the physician.

"Well, that's not so bad," the woman replied. "What did he name the baby boy?" The physician responded regretfully, "DeNephew."

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?

Feb _, 19_: The redesigned Lincoln penny with an image of the Lincoln Memorial replacing two ears of __ on the reverse side went into circulation.

A man walked into the office of a local church. He walked up to the receptionist, and in a loud voice demanded: "Take me to see the head hog".
The receptionist replied indignantly: "Sir, I'll thank you not to refer to our pastor in such a way. Around here, we address our ministers with respect".
The man replied, "Well I've come to donate 5 million dollars to the church".
"Excuse me sir", the receptionist replied, "Let me see if I can find the big fat pig for you."

What is it that when you take away the whole, you still have some left over?

Feb,_ 19_: The ______made their first live American on " The Ed Sullivan Show".

My dear friends, you must’ve heard that I had my driver license suspended last night. I was falsely accused of drunk driving and just wanted to let you know what exactly happened. Anyway, last night I was at a party and did have a beer or two, but wasn’t even dizzy, let alone drunk. After the party I got into my car and two minutes later noticed flashing lights in my rear view mirror. I slowed down, pulled over, got my documents ready, and rolled down my window. A cop walks over and says the usual:

- Good evening Madam, can I see your license and registration? Have you had anything to drink tonight?
- Evening officer. I was just on my way home from a party and did have two beers, but nothing more than that.
- Hmmmm, two beers? That’s it? You sure you didn’t have a few more drinks? Let me ask you something. Let’s say that you are in an dark street and you see two lights coming towards you. What do you think that is?
- I suppose that would be a car.
- Yes, it is a car, but what kind of car: a Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?
- No idea, the street is dark. No way I could tell the car make!
- Alright, let me ask you something else. Same street, but this time you see only one light. What would that be?
- I presume a motorcycle.
- Yes, that’s right but what kind of a motorcycle: a Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley Davidson?
- No idea officer.
- Hmmm, I think you had a bit too much to drink. Can you please step out of the vehicle?
- Sure, but let me ask you one question officer. You’re driving down a dark alley and see a woman wearing a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, and high heels. Who is she?
- She’s obviously a prostitute.
- Yes, she is a whore, but is she your mother, your sister or your daughter?

Needless to say, I was immediately charged with drunk driving and taken downtown for processing. But I wasn’t drunk, I swear.

What kind of coffee were they serving when the Titanic hit an iceberg?

Feb._, 19_: Congress passed, over President ____ _____'s veto, an immigration act severely curtailing the influx of ___.

A police officer pulled over a nun driving a car, and said, 'Ma'am, you're driving much too slowly, could you please drive faster?"

And the nun says, 'Oh, I saw the sign with the "21" and assumed the speed limit was 21 kph"

The officer explains: 'No ma'am, the speed limit is 80. The highway number is Interstate 21."

Then the police officer looks in the back seat and see the other two nuns shaking like leaves.

"Excuse me, Sister, but what's wrong with your two colleagues?"

"Oh, that's probably because we just got off Highway 205."