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ochoop17's Blog

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July 2, 2015, 11:51 amWhat Has..

What has a foot on each side and one in the middle?

Entry #2,920
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July 1, 2015, 8:23 amA Lawyer

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife.

She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?"

He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort.

He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left.

The wife was curious, so she asked, "What are you doing, honey?"

"I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.

Entry #2,919
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June 30, 2015, 11:08 amWhat Does..

What does a cat have that no other animal has?

Entry #2,918
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June 29, 2015, 12:18 pmA Promotion

Boss: Johnson, we giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal.

Johnson: Montreal! "Nothing comes from there except hookers and hockey players!"

Boss: Listen pal, my wife comes from there!

Johnson: Without missing a beat replies, "No kidding! What position does she play?"

Entry #2,917
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June 28, 2015, 10:25 amWhat Am I ?

I have no eyes no legs or ears and I help move the earth. What am I?

Entry #2,916
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June 27, 2015, 12:16 pmThey Say..

They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is my father?"

The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with "Your father is fishing in Michigan."

The skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years."

"No", replied the super computer immediately. "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."

Entry #2,915
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June 24, 2015, 10:41 amWhat Is It ?

Your finger fits right in it. You play with it when you’re bored. Once you’re married, you’re stuck with the same one forever. What is it?

Entry #2,914
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June 23, 2015, 9:48 amI Always Take..

"I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila."

Entry #2,913
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June 22, 2015, 12:51 pmWhat Kind..

What kind of place should you never take a dog?

Entry #2,912
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June 21, 2015, 12:18 pmGoing Hunting

There's this couple and they've just been married. The man says to the wife, "I'm go'in hunting."

She says, "Oh no your not, we are married now."

The husband says to himself, "I've got to figure out a way to go hunting." So, he goes out and buys his wife all this hunting equipment and gives it to his wife, so they can go hunting together.

They finally go one weekend and the hunter puts his wife in the deer-stand and says, "Only shoot when you see a deer."

She replies, "OK." So the hunter goes off to his stand and is hoping that the wife doesn't accidentally shoot herself. Suddenly, he hears a gun shot and quickly runs to find his wife.

He looks up in the deer stand and does not see her, so he looks around and sees his wife poised and waiting to shoot this poor man who is scared out of his mind. The hunter says, "Honey, what are you doing?"

The man says, "Look mister, if she says it is her deer then it is, just let me take my saddle off of it first."

Entry #2,911
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June 20, 2015, 12:32 pmWho Will Get..

A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who will get the banana first, the monkey, the squirrel, or the bird?

Entry #2,910
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June 18, 2015, 1:01 pmA Little Boy..

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

>>> Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC, and those crooks deducted $95.00 in taxes.

Entry #2,909
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June 17, 2015, 1:17 pmHow Could..

How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one word?

Entry #2,908
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June 16, 2015, 11:07 amDoes Your Dog Bite ?

A  man  walking  down
  the  streets  sees  another  man  with  a  very  big  dog.    One  man  says 
to  the  other,  "Does  your  dog  bite",  the  man  replies  "No  my  dog  doesn't"  The  man  pats  the  dog 
and  has  his  hand  bitten  off,  "I  thought  you
said  your  dog  didn't  bite"  said  the  injured  man. 
"thats not my dog",replied the other.
Entry #2,907
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June 14, 2015, 12:20 pmWhat Are They?

The first is needed to make quotes you see,
And it often sticks up when it's time for noon tea.

The second's biggest distinction is found
Bearing the symbol of love that is bound.

The third should be biggest but that can depend,
Never standing alone or it may offend.

The fourth is oft used when making a selection
Or if you should need a gun for protection.

The fifth is the fattest and oddest by far,
And can sometimes be found in a wrestling war.

What are they?

Entry #2,906
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