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ochoop17's Blog

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Today, 9:32 amShe Came Crawling

Two colleagues in the office:
- How did it end the fight with your wife?
- She came crawling to me.
- And what did she say?
- Get out from under the bed!

Entry #3,008
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Yesterday, 10:43 amWhat AM I ?

If you throw me from the window,
I will leave a grieving wife.
Bring me back, but in the door, and
You'll see someone giving life!

What am I?
Entry #3,007
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November 21, 2015, 11:01 amAir & Sex

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Entry #3,006
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November 18, 2015, 9:04 amWhat Am I ?

"Hello" you call unto the black
      and just and friendly I'd speak back.
Yet it's a lie, I only quote
      that welcoming into my throat.

Surely, you think, they're just for show,
      those fangs you see both high and low
and though my heart's as black as night
      you needn't worry - I won't bite.

Rather I'm much like a fairy tale troll
      swallowing anything that comes to me whole.
My skin is thicker than any bruit,
      yet I haven't life and alone I'm mute

Entry #3,005
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November 17, 2015, 11:44 amAt the dentist's office

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."

The man asks "What is it?"

The doc replies, "Viagra."

The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.

"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"

Entry #3,004
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November 16, 2015, 9:53 amWhat Tastes..

Question: What tastes better than it smells?

Entry #3,003
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November 15, 2015, 10:30 amJoe grew up..

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school.

He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.

He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.

One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes.

All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions.

Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.

What can I do for you?"

The man replied "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."

Entry #3,002
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November 12, 2015, 12:08 pmWhat AM I ?

As a whole I am both safe and secure. Behead me and I become a place of meeting. Behead me again and I am the partner of ready. Restore me and I become the domain of beasts. What am I?

Entry #3,001
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November 10, 2015, 12:52 pmHow Do You..

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Entry #3,000
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November 9, 2015, 10:07 amWhat Do You..

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic

Entry #2,999
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November 4, 2015, 11:18 amTea For Dad

A little girl is serving her father tea while her mother is out shopping. The mother comes home and the father says, "Watch this!" The little girl goes and serves the mother tea. The mother turns to the father and says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

Last Edited: November 4, 2015, 11:19 am

Entry #2,998
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November 3, 2015, 11:34 amWhat Am I ?

I can run but not walk. Wherever I go, thought follows close behind. What am I?

Entry #2,997
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November 2, 2015, 11:10 amThe Perfect Son

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Entry #2,996
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October 29, 2015, 10:27 amWhat Is..

What is always coming but never arrives?

Entry #2,995
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October 27, 2015, 10:43 amPig & Politician

Q. What’s the difference between a flying pig and a politician?
A. The letter F.

Entry #2,994
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