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Yesterday, 8:37 amA Man Was..
A man was driving to the hospital, with his wife who was pregnant with twins, when his car went out of control and crashed.
Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a high school dropout which was never taken seriously, sitting at his bed side.
He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, “Don’t worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.
But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you.”
The husband was thinking to himself, “Oh no, what has he done now?” and asked with some trepidation, “Well, bro, what did you name them?”
His brother replied, “I named the little girl Denise.”
The husband, relieved, said, “That’s a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?”
The brother winked and replied, “Denephew.”
July 25, 2015, 12:08 pmWhat Makes..
what makes road broader ?
July 22, 2015, 11:29 amA Little Girl..
A little girl in her Sunday best was running as fast as she could to get to Sunday school on time.
As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late. Dear Lord, please don't let me be late."
At that moment she tripped and fell getting her clothes all dirty. She got up, brushed herself off and started running again, praying... "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late, but don't shove me anymore!"
July 20, 2015, 9:04 amA Train
A train leaves from New York City heading toward Los Angeles at 100 mph. Three hours later, a train leaves from Los Angeles heading toward New York City at 200 mph. Assume there's exactly 2000 miles between Los Angeles and New York City. When they meet, which train is closer to New York City?
July 18, 2015, 12:42 pmWhat Do You..
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
July 17, 2015, 10:00 amWhat Tastes..
What tastes better than it smells?
July 16, 2015, 11:23 amA General...
A General retired after 35 years and realized a life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in South Dakota. He invited an old friend to visit for a week of pheasant-shooting. The friend was in awe of the General's new bird dog, ''Sarge''.
The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best, and the friend offered to buy the dog at any price. The General declined, saying that Sarge was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he wouldn't part with him at any price.
A year later the same friend returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the General breaking in a new dog. ''What happened to ole ''Sarge?'' he asked.
''Had to shoot him,'' grumbled the General. ''A friend came to hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name. He kept calling him Colonel. After that, all that <snip> dog would do was sit on his ass and bark.
July 15, 2015, 9:03 amWhat Can..
What can you make from baked beans and onions?
July 14, 2015, 9:41 amWhy Do..
Q. Why do vampires drink blood?
A. Because coffee keeps them awake all day!
July 12, 2015, 11:48 amWhat Is It ?
I have one, you have one.
If you remove the first letter, a bit remains.
If you remove the second, bit still remains.
After much trying, you might be able to remove the third one also, but it remains.
It dies hard!
July 11, 2015, 11:57 amA Couple
A couple is going to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks: "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies: "Autumn."
July 10, 2015, 9:12 amWhat Am I ?
I have two hands, but cannot hold. I don't have a mouth, but the unknown can still be told. What am I?
July 9, 2015, 12:51 pmA Grasshopper
A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bar tender turns to the grasshopper and says " hey, you know we have a drink named after you?"
The grasshopper responds "why in the heck do you have a drink named Bob?"
July 8, 2015, 8:09 amRace Cars
Race cars were racing on an oval track
Each driver was skilled, no speed did they lack.
The red car's driver finished next to last
Even thought his car was really quite fast.
The blue car's driver came in second place
Not a bad finish for just his first race.
When results were in, questions did arise
How did the red car received the first prize?
July 7, 2015, 11:51 amOne Night
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."