emilyg's Blog

Barack Obama entirely lacking in self-awareness, or does he simply think that his intended audience will believe anything he says? Maybe both. Otherwise it is hard to explain away the obvious irony inherent in a president from Hawaii on a long winter vacation in Hawaii blasting his political opponents for going "home for the holidays." Dave Urbanski writes in The Blaze:

While President Barack Obama continued what the New York Times called a "real and rare vacation in Hawaii," he used his Weekly Address to accuse Republicans in Congress of going home for the holidays while less-fortunate Americans suffer. (Bold added):

Just a few days after Christmas, more than one million of our fellow Americans lost a vital economic lifeline - the temporary insurance that helps folks make ends meet while they look for a job.Republicans in Congress went home for the holidays and let that lifeline expire.

As his approval rating hovers around 40%, it is clear that the only people who buy what he is selling are just not paying attention. The rest of us are laughing.

Read more: http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2014/01/obamas_winter_vacation_hypocrisy.html#ixzz2pa4n7nJw
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At dinner, a little boy was ordered to lead in prayer . . ..

BOY: But I don't know how to pray

DAD: Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbours, the poor, etc

BOY      "Dear Lord" he started Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream.
             Bless them so they won't come again.
Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's
              Blackberry.
And please provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work.

���AMEN����

Dinner was cancelled, AND PLEASE, don't be selfish & laugh alone

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks for old times sake.

He hires a prostitute, takes her up to a room and goes at it as best as he can for a guy his age.

After a couple of minutes he asks, "How am I doing?"

The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots."

"Three knots?" He asks. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back."

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Happy '14 to all

Did you know that a large group of baboons is called a congress?

That explains a lot now, doesn't it!

O ALL MY DEMOCRAT FRIENDS:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2014, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great.

Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere.

Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wisher.

TO ALL MY REPUBLICAN FRIENDS:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

=

,
Subject: Fw: Stay Safe over the Holidays

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends and loved ones about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.  Well, this past weekend, I was out for an evening with friends and had several <snip>tails followed by a very nice red wine.  Although I was sure I was in charge of my faculties, I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

That's when I did something that I've never  done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough, on the way home there was a  police road block; but, since it was a cab, they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before.  I don't know where I got it and, now that it's in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.

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Merry  Christmas to all.

STONE

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING 
THROUGH THE DESERT .
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE 

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED 
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND , 

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND 
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE .

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH. 

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE
ON A STONE: 

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE' 

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED
'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.     

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES  SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT'

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A 
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON,   

AN HOUR TO 
APPRECIATE THEM,       

A DAY 
TO LOVE THEM, 

BUT THEN   , 

AN ENTIRE LIFE
TO FORGET THEM. 

SEND THIS TO
THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER
FORGET.     

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you <snip>ting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of these autopsies have you performed on the deceased?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

__________________

Daddy , how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll down...You'll love this ....

'You got Male!

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Poll: Do you have a more favorable view of the Affordable Care Act now that the website is working?
Saturday, December 7, 2013 2:51:04 PM � by South40 � 60 replies
San Diego Union-Tribune ^ | 12/7/2013
Do you have a more favorable view of the Affordable Care Act now that the website is working? 28% saying YES 71% saying NO Poll Here