woody4591's Blog

Last night I had a dream that I made love to two 80 year-old women. Talk about sweating to the oldies...

I'm sure by now you are aware of the Chicago woman bringing a 5 million dollar lawsuit against Starbucks for putting too much ice in their ice coffee. Just how hard is it to do what I do. Say Venti ice coffee, NO ICE! Better yet, don't go there because if you win my coffee price is going to go up to pay for this stupid lawsuit. Why are judges even taking cases like this. How about Dunkin Donuts ice coffee? They told me that if I wanted it to taste like coffee, I should get a turbo shot for a dollar extra.

I'm amazed and baffled as to how many celebs have come 'out of the closet' in the last several years. Just how big IS this closet and could someone PLEASE put a lock on it for awhile.

If only I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say, "If I had a dollar for every time..."

Did you ever have someone say to you, "I'm not as young as I used to be!" DUH! Even if I saw you yesterday, you're not as young as you used to be.

I'm sitting on the bus across from a young man with multi-colored spiked hair. "What you starin' at, man?" he asked. "I'm sorry", I replied. "I once had sex with a pea<snip>, and was thinking you might be my son."

Today's weather is 67 degrees with showers. Tomorrow looks like 90 degrees and sunny. Thinking of playing golf. It appears that whichever day I decide to play... my balls are going to be wet.

Maybe it's just me but wasn't Caitlyn Jenner prettier when she was a man?

Why does it appear that most middle age men who wear track suits have never been on a track in their lives.

A female friend was told by her superior that her blouse was "way too tight" and "not becoming to the workplace". I was forced to agree with that assessment because her boobs appeared to BE COMING out if it.

My recently engaged hair dresser said she won't sign a pre-nup because if it doesn't work out she DESERVES half of whatever he has. When asked what she was bringing to the table she just spread her arms as if to say.. ISN'T THIS ENOUGH!

How come if you're old and ugly you are a pervert.... but if you're old, ugly, and wealthy, you're a catch!

While I do believe rape to be a heinous act and all perpetrators should be castrated on the village square, rape should be determined at the TIME of the incident and NOT three days later when your calls are not returned.

I overheard two women talking and one stated that men were "MORE STUPIDER" than women. While I MAY agree with that assessment, there does appear to be a exception to every rule.

I find I'm not reading as much as I used to lately. It seems that women aren't wearing those pants that have PINK and ABERCROMBIE across their butts anymore.