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April 28, 2024, 6:52 am
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If you are approaching 70, driving around in your newly purchased Corvette in the attempt too make you feel younger, good for you. But when you have to call AAA to help you get out, you may realize it probably wasn't a wise purchase. you wouldn't see Peter Dinklage trying to climb into a monster truck in an effort to look taller.
Food wasn't always plentiful growing up. Monday for dinner we had pork and beans. Tuesday for dinner we had beans and pork. Wednesday......leftovers!
When I was growing up, we didn't have air conditioning. My dad used to have my brother chase me around the house so my mother would get a breeze.
Life is all about the choices we make, good and bad and the consequences that follow those choices. Whenever I made a bad choice, my dad always allowed me to choose the consequence. Usually that meant a choice between a bruise or a deep cut.
When I was a kid and went to the doctor, I brought a comic book and sat there quietly until it was my turn. Now, kids run all over the waiting room while the parents are texting their friends about how well behaved their kids are. And should their kid accidentally knock over the five hundred dollar lamp in the waiting room they may get a time out! I didn't have time out... I had knocked out!
The only sure way I know of to quit smoking is to buy the PATCH and put it over your mouth.
For the most part, doctors have no idea what they are doing. It's all guess work in a white coat. I suppose that's why they call it a MEDICAL PRACTICE!
There once was a guy from the hood
who played all the numbers he could
his job he would quit
if his numbers all hit
that's something I quite understood
Why do people always ask if you have an EXTRA cigarette? Has any one EVER gotten an extra one in a pack?
A black guy came up to me one day and said,"Yo, white-bread! Got a smoke?" I replied, "Sorry Pumpernickel, last one!"
There is a large homeless population in my town and because I smoke I'm always being asked for cigarettes. If you couldn't afford a change of underwear, would you crap your pants?
Have you seen those commercials? My girlfriend suggested I should try it. I told her we didn't have room for a second bathtub. And on a side note, should I have an erection lasting more than four hours, I'm not calling a doctor. I'm calling all the cheerleaders I went to school with!
As much as I would love to kiss the guy on the mouth who invented yoga pants.....
thinking they should come in size 16 and up deserves a kick in the ass!
I saw a woman the other day pushing a stroller with one hand, holding a cup of coffee with the other hand and with her cell wedged between her shoulder and ear while crossing the street. Multi-tasking! Well, her phone fell and she let go of the stroller to pick it up. Are you kidding me?
I like hate it like when like someone cant like say a whole sentence like without like saying like, like a hundred times.
